#feel free to talk to me more if anyone wants

[theatreofthelivingmind]

Anyone up for story time with Emma?

(Emma it me I'm Emma)

I was born with a disability. In living in America I existed for 33 years without a diagnosis. I was misdiagnosed at birth.

But Emma, how could you live so long without a diagnosis?

In America for the longest time, health care was (most cases still is) tied to employment. Because of this, I had spotty employment, usually no health care, would have to work 2 or 3 free Lance jobs just to get by. I'd work in restaurants, no Healthcare, sub minimum wage, depending on tips to get by.

This all changed once Obamacare became law. I don't know if you remember the political climate before Obamacare passed as a law but there was a group known as the Tea Party which I always took as thinly veiled racism and not wanting to pay taxes. The debates heading up to passing Obamacare as law were fairly brutal. All the racism, hatred of the poor, ableism was out in full force. In the end Obamacare was a bit whittled down. But still it passed, even though it took a few years to take effect.

I had a little bit of a conversion feeling as once Obamacare I was finally able to get properly diagnosed. After years of semi-employment, things getting more and more difficult as my disabilities were uncared for, through Obamacare, I finally had healthcare, access to mental health care, and eventually a diagnosis. All this going on and pretty much as soon as I received health care I'm crying in my doctors office that I need hrt as I am an untransitioned lesbian.

I more than likely would not be here without Obamacare. It was whittled down from its original form, but felt like it was giving health care to poor people (ie me). All the debates leading up to the passing of Obamacare felt like all the bigotry was coming out from under the hoods.

Obamacare passing and becoming law was a bit of my conversion moment. Are critiques of the Democrats still valid? Most certainly so. But having Healthcare not tied to where you work was a lifesaver for me and for many others.

On the other side of the aisle, I can't stand to listen to many of the Republicans. With Trump whenever I hear him talk of immigrants or disabled people or queer people I need to turn it off as it's so upsetting as he's talking about my friends and family. Having Moscow Mitch McConnell opposing Obamacare and anything The dems had to offer, solely on the basis that basis that it was coming from Obama is difficult for me to read as anything other than racism and classism, hatred of the poor.

I know for me finally getting a diagnosis of healthcare was a lifesaver and I am positive that it helped myself as well as others. I had heard of an NPR report where people were being polled about if they thought obamacare helped. The replies were a lot of "government assistance is bad", "I don't want my tax dollars paying for immigrant trans sex changes," and other such comments.

Then the NPR poll asks: What do you think of the mental health care you received from the social worker. Oh my gosh! Saved my life, saved my marriage.

Next question: would your opinion change if you learned that that Mental Health Care was government provided through obamacare?

Hopefully, some opinions changed.

Rough times ahead, but I still have hope. That hope might come from living in California, having access to antidepressants, medications for my disability, and hormone therapy for my body and gender dysphoria.

I do believe a better future is possible, but that all depends on forming political coalitions and finding community with others.

[plumbobgothica]

Average Polycount of EA Items in TS3: A Reference Sheet

I initially started this list as a personal “cheat sheet” that I could reference to ensure the custom content I'm downloading is appropriate for gameplay when it comes to polycount (and because I intend(ed) to learn how to make my own cc). I decided to share in case others find it useful.

I’m not a Maxis Match purist or anything like that, but purging high-poly CAS items from my cc folder eliminated in-game stuttering for me entirely. For some reason, this is rarely mentioned in discussions about gameplay optimization. Polycount does matter.

There’s a lot of absolutely gorgeous but incredibly high-poly cc out there that is simply not gameplay friendly for the average player. As we see an influx of first-time or rusty players migrating over from TS4, I think it’s important people are aware of this (both players and creators alike).

This might be a nonissue for those whose focus is on CAS and pretty screenshots, or maybe for those who have beastly gaming pcs/graphics cards etc.

But for players whose focus is on actual gameplay, high-poly cc can be detrimental.

With that said, below the cut you can find a list of average polycounts for some EA clothing/objects to use as a reference.

My method

I recorded the polycount of 10 items from each category below so that I could get a decent representation from each one to calculate the average. Since there is a wide range in some of the categories, I’ve opted to also include the minimum, median, and maximum for a clearer picture.

This list is not exhaustive; I feel like after a while, you kind of get the point. Also, this has been sitting on my computer for ages, and I don’t know if/when I will continue collecting data for it, so I figured I would just share what I have for now.

CAS

Tops:

Average polycount: 3538.4

Minimum polycount: 2868

Median polycount: 3443

Maximum polycount: 4872

Outfits:

Average polycount: 4281.8

Minimum polycount: 3865

Median polycount: 4205.5

Maximum polycount: 4932

Bottoms:

Average polycount: 1094.2

Minimum polycount: 770

Median polycount: 1016

Maximum polycount: 1768

Hair:

Average polycount: 4343.2

Minimum polycount: 2298

Median polycount: 4691

Maximum polycount: 6840

Shoes:

Average polycount: 621.6

Minimum polycount: 456

Median polycount: 594

Maximum polycount: 968

Accessories

Average polycount: 520.8

Minimum polycount: 118

Median polycount: 433

Maximum polycount: 1098

Objects

Dining Chairs

Average polycount: 806.3

Minimum polycount: 362

Median polycount: 799

Maximum polycount: 1054

Sofas and Loveseats

Average polycount: 1699.4

Minimum polycount: 958

Median polycount: 1414

Maximum polycount: 2920

Livingroom Chairs

Average polycount: 791.0

Minimum polycount: 290

Median polycount: 920

Maximum polycount: 1006

Beds

Average polycount: 3529.4

Minimum polycount: 1974

Median polycount: 3316

Maximum polycount: 5668

Plants

Average polycount: 746.3

Minimum polycount: 104

Median polycount: 801

Maximum polycount: 1998

Sculptures

Average polycount: 1659.3

Min polycount: 440

Median polycount: 1417.5

Max polycount: 5263

Misc

Average polycount: 914.4

Min polycount: 380

Median polycount: 988

Max polycount: 1926

Curtains

Average polycount: 762.4

Min polycount: 262

Median polycount: 802

Max polycount: 1438

Wall Art

Average polycount: 524.1

Min polycount: 62

Median polycount: 171

Max polycount: 2403

Dining Tables

Average polycount: 754.8

Min polycount: 468

Median polycount: 685

Max: 1262

(To be continued, maybe? If anyone wants to help me add more categories, feel free to get in touch, happy to credit you for any data you send over).

Further reading from people who are way smarter than me:

Polygon counts and Sims CC by @simlicious, plus their tutorial on how to check polycounts using TSRW. Edited to add: check out their newest essay about polycount vs vertices!

Let’s Talk Polygons by @mispoodle1, plus their tutorial on how to use S3pe to check polycounts.

A warning about high polycount custom content - for downloaders and creators by @tommeraas-cc (this post is for TS4 but still relevant for TS3 as well).

Maybe no one cares about cc polycounts anymore, but I sure do. 😅

Happy simming! I'm on a bit of a break from TS3 right now but I always come back. 🖤

[kuro-is-doodlin]

Smoking's bad.

(❗Mention of death)

|You shouldn't smoke..|

You turn your head, exhaling some smoke to the side before looking back at the door to see Isabeau. He's your most loyal customer, you swear he's been here since you started. You know his order by heart now, he rarely ever change, and when he does, he keeps the next one for a while. One day, he didn't came, it made you worry. Turns out he slept all day after a big test. You felt stupid afterwards... You chat for a while some days when it's quiet in the shop, you even got him a nickname..

"Isa... I'm fine. It helps me clear my head."

|It's bad for you, and I know you know it.|

"Come on, I'll be fiiiine. It's not a smoke or two that's gonna mess me up."

|You don't smoke "one or two", Siffrin..|

Wuh Oh. Full name.

|Don't think I didn't notice you've been doing it more. Is there something bothering you? You can tell me-|

"We're in a worker to customer relationship right now, don't try and tell me what to do."

Wait, it got out a bit too harsh, you don't want to hurt him. Maybe you should-

|Oh don't do that to me now. It's been what, a year we've been chatting? I am allowed to be worried for your health. Plus, I see you're not doing well. You don't usually react like that.|

"I know, I'm just..."

|I won't tell anyone.. okay? I promise. You can talk to me Sif.|

He's getting closer. You know he hates the smell of cigarettes, so you sigh and crush it in the ashtray beside you, and sit down. He thank you, and sit next to you.

"It's just... I'm still thinking about that guy I-..."

You take a deep breath in.. and out.

"I didn't mean to.. end his life..."

|It was self defense Sif... It could have been you in his pla-|

"Well maybe it should have!"

|And let him hurt the kid and their babysitter?|

You shut your mouth tight, your hand mindlessly tugging on your sleeve. If they had been hurt.. you couldn't have forgiven yourself.

|I don't know exactly how you feel, but you did what you thought best to protect them, and it worked.|

His hand approaches you, you flinch a little, and look at him. He wait for your approval, before slowly taking yours, stopping your incessant tugging. As always, his palm is warm, a little.. moist. He's not as comfortable with the situation as he seem out to be.

|Now, you know I'm not the kind of person qualified for all those things turning in your head. I can listen to you, care for you, be here to support you, but you need someone who will actually help you go through it.|

"I know... I'm just.."

|Scared?|

"Yeah..."

|It tends to do that at first, but after some time you'll come to find relief going there. That's what it did to me at least.|

"You've gone to therapy ?"

|Mhm, when I was figuring myself out mostly. Helped a lot with unraveling the mess my brain was in.|

"Huh. I-... I might give it a try then.. maybe."

|Promise ?|

"Urgh... Promise."

|Now that's more like it. Proud of you buddy.|

You look at his face. He has that big stupid smile on again. Stars why is he so-

"It's just for you."

You smirk. You know how he reacts by heart. A flinch, and his cheeks get all red as he looks away. Heh.. shy refrigerator.

"Alright, time to get back to work."

|Urgh... I don't want to study anymore...|

"And with a free refill?"

|No need to tell me twice! I'm gonna destroy those questions!|

You let out a small chuckle, and get back inside, your hand leaving his. For now.

[morgana-larkin]

Alright peeps, here’s the next chapter of Mine! It’s a long one of 6k words but I don’t think anyone will complain. We get a lot of Amelia in this one as she’s growing up! In this chapter we get New Year’s Eve, all the kids birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Easter and last day of school so enjoy! Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!

On another note: I added Donna Beneviento from the video game Resident Evil so if you want to send in prompts for her then feel free to do so!

Mine - Part 9

Warnings: Smut

Words: 6k

*New Year’s Eve*

It’s New Year’s Eve evening and you just put Amelia and the twins down for a nap before you wake them up in a couple hours. You’re both getting ready to go to your parents place as they always hold a New Year’s party and Melissa’s family is always invited and attends every year.

You pull up to their house at 8pm and get Amelia out while Melissa unbuckles both of the twins. You each carry a twin inside and you hold Amelia’s hand while Melissa is carrying the bag of baby supplies.

“Hey mom.” You say to her when she opens the door.

“Hi honey, Melissa, and AMELIA!” Your mom says and goes down to hug her granddaughter and Amelia runs into her arms.

“Mom I can’t help but feel like you love your granddaughter way more than your daughter.” You tease her playfully.

“Oh honey what a silly thing to say, of course I love her more than you.” Your mom says to you before letting you all inside.

“Rude.” You say and then your mom tackles you in a hug.

“I love you and Melissa as well.” She tells you and then brings Melissa into a hug after. “Now, how are my other grandkids?” She asks and says hi to each of the twins. “Oh Melissa, all your siblings are here already.”

“Really? I thought Toni and Tony were spending it at their partner’s places.” She says and then Toni comes into view.

“Oh my god! They’re getting so big!” She exclaims when she sees Amelia and the twins.

“Auntie Toni!” Amelia exclaims before running to her.

“Hey kiddo!” Toni says and picks Amelia up. “Oh you’re getting so tall and heavy, I might not be able to lift you soon.” She tells her and Amelia giggles.

“No hug for your eldest sis?” Melissa says to her with a smile.

“I got my arms full but if you don’t mind a group hug…” Toni tells her and Melissa engulfs her in a hug.

You and Melissa then go into the living room with the twins, Amelia in Toni’s arms. You all say hi to everyone and hand the twins off to however wants to hold them.

“You know I’ve been thinking about what you asked on Christmas, about a puppy?” Melissa tells you and you look at her.

“Do you think it’s too soon since the twins are only 10 months old?” Melissa then silences you by putting her finger over your lips and she smiles.

“I think it’s a great idea actually.” She tells you and you smile. “Probably a good idea to get one as Amelia is turning 3.” She adds on. “Probably best to get one just before summer as we’ll both be home for 2 months.”

“Good idea.” You say and then give her a kiss.

“Ugh, you guys are disgustingly sweet.” You hear and pull back to see John Anthony come over to you both. You wrap both your arms around Melissa’s waist and she wraps one around your shoulders.

“What can I say? We love each other.” Melissa tells her brother and then looks at you with a smile. “We were actually just talking about getting a puppy in the summer.” She tells him.

“Oh interesting, is Amelia excited about that?”

“She doesn’t know, we haven’t told her yet.” You say and he nods.

“Well I think it’s great.” He says.

“I’m gonna get something to drink, do you want something Amore?” Melissa asks you.

“Hm, surprise me.” You tell her and she nods before going to get the drinks.

“We all appreciate that you make Melissa happy and that you both still love each other after like a decade.” He tells you and you smile at him before Melissa comes back with the drinks.

“Hope you’re not flirting with my wife.” Melissa tells him and he chuckles.

“Of course not, I’d only do that if you pissed me off.” He says and Melissa glares at him. “I also know I’m nowhere near Y/n’s type so it wouldn’t work anyway.” He adds on and Melissa wraps her arm around your waist after flipping him off.

A few hours later and before you knew it, there was 20 minutes until midnight and your mom switched on the tv to the New York ball drop and show. Everyone huddles around the tv and Melissa finds a spot to sit on the couch, and you sit on her lap.

Melissa keeps one arm wrapped around your waist and the only hand on your thigh and you wrap your arm around her neck and lean into her. You all watch the New York concert from the tv and then all of a sudden there was one minute until midnight. You all watch tv intensely as the timer starts counting down.

“10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!” Everyone in the room shouts and you and Melissa immediately go and kiss each other. You both pull away as soon as you feel someone climb into your lap and you see Amelia there with a big smile on her face.

“Happy New Year Tesoro!” Melissa tells her as you both give her a big hug.

You finally get home at 1am and you put Amelia, who’s already asleep, in her bed and the twins, who are also asleep, in their crib before going to bed yourself.

You wake up to Melissa softly stroking your arm and you move your body to give her a kiss.

“Morning Amore.” She says softly and with a smile.

“Hey, did the kids wake you?” You ask her and she shakes her head.

“No, a dream did actually. A dream where my fingers are inside of you and you’re moaning out my name.” She tells you and squirm a little bit. “I was hoping to make that dream a reality, start the new year off with a bang.” She says and wiggles her eyebrows.

“You’re such a goof, but I do love the sound of your dream.” You tell her and she surges forward and kisses you without pulling back. She then goes and straddles your lap and takes off the big shirt of hers that you wore to bed.

“I always love it when you wear my clothes.” She tells you and then surges forward to wrap her mouth around a nipple and you gasp and buck your hips. As she’s sucking on a nipple, you slip your hand down her pj shorts and quickly find her clit. She gasps and pulls back from your nipple and her mouth is hanging open. “Amore it feels so good, don’t stop.” She begins to tell you and starts breathing hard. “I’m so close.” She says and her eyes are closed as she reaches her peak and then she comes.

Right after she comes there’s a knock at your door followed by a “Mamma, I’m hungry.” She gets off of you and grabs her robe while you put the shirt back on. Melissa opens the door to reveal Amelia standing there in her pjs.

“What’s this I hear about a hungry girl?” Melissa says and Amelia smiles widely.

“I said it Mamma.” She responds with and then Melissa takes her hand and goes downstairs.

“Well we can’t have that, let’s go to the kitchen and find something to eat.” You hear Melissa say as they disappear from sight. Just as they disappear you hear Caterina start crying followed by a “Mama.” You sigh and then get your robe to go get the twins. You have to hand it to Amelia for always talking to the twins lately and helping them form words a bit quicker than she did.

You go to Caterina first and pick her up and try and get her to stop but she doesn't, which means she’s hungry. Just as you’re about to leave, Nico starts crying and then you pick him up as well and carry both of them downstairs. You put both of them in their feeding chairs which is next to where Amelia is sitting.

“Hi Mommy, Mamma is making breakfast.” She tells you and you smile at her.

“I don’t doubt that honey. Do you mind watching the twins while I get them some food?” You ask her and she nods. You quickly get them some food that Melissa blended for them last night and you return to see Amelia talking to Caty. Melissa sees you watching the dinner table and she quickly goes to see what you’re looking at.

“She’s a great big sister.” Melissa says and you nod.

“She’s half your daughter, I’m not that surprised since you helped raise all your siblings.” You tell her.

“Alright, thank you Amelia.” You tell her as you make yourself known. “You know I think they’ll be talking in no time with your help.” You say to her.

“Is that a good thing?” She asks.

“Of course, one of the things that children are taught is to talk.” You explain to her as you start to feed Caty. Caty starts happily feeding herself and then you get Nico’s food ready for him.

“Here you go, my little Tesoro.” Melissa says as she comes out with food for Amelia.

“Thank you, Mamma.” She tells her and Melissa boops her nose.

After everyone eats, you set Amelia up on the couch with cartoons and the twins in the play pen with some toys. You then drag Melissa into the kitchen after asking Amelia to look after the twins.

“We have some unfinished business from this morning.” You tell her seductively. Melissa then immediately begins kissing you. “We also have to do this quickly.” You remind her and she brings her hand into your robe and underneath her shirt you’re wearing and finds your clit. She continues kissing you while you’re moaning as she starts circling your clit. She stops momentarily to get you to sit on the counter and then she continues. You wrap your legs around her waist and bring her closer to you as your orgasm is building. You’re kissing her fiercely and passionately while also moaning into the kiss as you’re nearing your peak. You then come hard and wrap your arms around her neck and pull back from her lips to rest your head on her shoulder and get your body to calm down.

“Feel better Amore?” She asks you and you nod your head that’s still on her shoulder. You then bring your head up and give her a kiss that she immediately returns.

“So what time is everyone coming tomorrow for Amelia’s birthday?” You ask once you both pull away.

“1pm.” She replies with and you nod.

“I can’t believe she’s turning 3 in 4 days.” You tell her and she strokes your cheek.

“I know. It seems just like yesterday that we were bringing her home from the hospital. After a long birth and you swearing at me for hours.” She tells you teasingly and you giggle.

“I never did apologise for swearing and yelling at you and also almost breaking your hand.” You say with a smile.

“No apology needed Amore. You gave us a beautiful daughter and then two more trouble makers 2 years later.” She tells you and then kisses you.

“I love you so much.” You tell her with a hum.

“I love you too baby.” She replies with and kisses you again.

“Mamma! Mommy! Nico is crying!” You both hear Amelia shouting. You both pull apart and Melissa goes into the room while you get down from the counter and follow after her. You see Melissa go and pick Nico up who immediately stops crying.

“What’s wrong hon?” Melissa asks him as she balances him on her hip.

“I think he just wanted attention.” You tell her as you walk up to them.

“I think you’re right, Amore.” She says with a small chuckle. “Is that what my little boy wants? Does he want attention from one of his moms?” She asks him and he grabs one of her fingers with his tiny hand. Melissa starts making funny faces at him and Nico starts giggling. All of a sudden Caty starts crying and you go and pick her up and then she immediately stops crying.

“Wow, we have some attention hogs.” You joke and Melissa giggles.

“Mamma, mommy, can you come sit and watch tv with me?” Amelia asks you both and of course you don’t say no. You both go and sit down with one of the twins on both of you. Amelia leans into Melissa and Melissa wraps her free arm around her.

*The Next Day/ January 2*

You slip the pink dress on Amelia that Melissa picked out for her yesterday for her birthday party. You seriously need to talk to her about the amount of pink stuff she buys, but it’s cute how excited she gets when she sees another pink outfit for one of the girls. You then put her hair into two braids and then take a good look at her.

“You look beautiful honey.” You tell her and she smiles. You then go and look at the mirror and finish your makeup with the lipstick.

“When can I wear makeup?” Amelia asks you as she looks at you curiously.

“When you’re older, like around 13.” You tell her and she pouts. “You don’t need makeup honey, you’re already beautiful.” You explain to her.

“But why do you need it? Mamma calls you beautiful.” She asks you and you smile at her.

“Because I want to wear it, I don’t wear much though. But I’ll tell you what, how about you wear a bit of lipstick?” You tell her and she smiles.

“The red one?”

“Alright, come here.” You say and she walks right next to you. You bend down and then you put the smallest amount of lipstick on her. “There you go.” You say and you pick her up so she can see herself in the vanity mirror.

“Pretty.” She says and she looks at you with a smile.

“You’re already pretty my darling. Even before the lipstick.” You say and then you get her down and then you both go downstairs. “Alright here’s the birthday girl!” You say as you enter the dining room where Melissa is feeding the twins.

“Oh well there’s my little Tesoro.” Melissa says as she gets up and picks up Amelia. “What’s on your lips?” Melissa asks.

“I asked mommy for makeup.” Amelia says and Melissa looks at you and you nod.

“I figured since it’s her birthday and she wanted makeup then a little lipstick wouldn’t hurt.” You explain to her and Melissa nods.

“Well I guess you’re just a little princess today then.” Melissa says to Amelia and then she looks at you. “Everything is set up, all that’s left is for people to show up.” She says and as if on cue, the doorbell rings. Melissa goes to answer it while still holding Amelia while you finish feeding the twins.

“Auntie Babwa!” Amelia exclaims and gets transferred to Barbs arms.

“Hello dear.” Barb says.

“I thought she was getting better with her R’s.” Melissa says while looking at Barb.

“It’s alright, I couldn’t pronounce my name correctly until I was 4.” Barb says to Melissa and then you come into the room, carrying the twins. “Hello dear.” She says to you and you go over to the door.

“Hey Barb and Gerald.” You tell them.

“Well hello Caty and Nico.” Barb says and they just look at her weirdly. Caty clings to you more after that.

“Mamma.” She murmurs.

“No, that’s mommy.” Amelia tells her and then points to Melissa. “That’s Mamma.” She adds and you smile.

“They don’t understand yet honey. You didn’t know that Mamma was Mamma until a month before your first birthday.” You explain to her.

“Isn’t it their birthday next month?” She asks you and you freeze. It actually is their first birthday next month.

An hour later and everyone is at the party. The Abbott crew was here, along with a few of Amelia’s friends from daycare, yours and Melissa’s close family members were here. You all sat in a circle as presents started.

“Ok and the last one is from Mommy and Mamma.” Melissa tells her as you bring out her present.

“We decided to get you your very first easel. A kiddie size one.” You tell her as you place it in front of her.

“It’s for your paintings. Remember how I told you about them.” Melissa tells Amelia and Amelia starts smiling.

“I remember now.” She says and gets up to go examine it. “So I can draw and paint however much I want?” She asks and you nod. She then starts jumping up and down all excited. “Thank you Mamma!” She says and runs and hugs Melissa.

“You’re welcome Tesoro.” She tells her and then Amelia runs to you and hugs you.

“Thank you Mommy.”

“You’re welcome honey.”

“Happy Birthday dear Amelia! Happy Birthday to you!” Everyone sings and then Melissa places the cake in front of Amelia and instructs her to blow out the candles. Amelia got the first piece of cake and happily began eating it.

“Mamma, did you make the cake?” Amelia asks.

“Of course Tesoro.” Melissa tells her with a smile. “Do you like it?”

“S’good.” Amelia responds with a mouth full of cake.

Around 6 is when people started leaving.

“We’re going to head out dear.” Barb tells you and Melissa with Gerald right beside her.

“Well I’m glad you were able to come.” Melissa says and gives her a hug.

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss my niece’s birthday.” Barb says to her.

“Amelia, come say bye to aunt Barb!” You yell and Amelia comes running.

“Auntie Bawbwa! Not that I’m three, am I old enough to be in your kindergarten class?”

“Not yet dear, but you’re very close. Just a year and a half to go.” Barb explains to her.

“But that’s in forever!” Amelia complains with a pout that matches Melissa’s.

“And they lived happily ever after.” Melissa finishes reading Snow White.

“Mamma, how did they know it was true love?” Amelia asks.

“Because it was how they felt when they were around each other.” Melissa says.

“Is Mommy your true love?”

“She is Tesoro.”

“Do you feel something in your body when around mommy?”

“I do.”

“What’s it feel like?” Amelia asks.

“Well, when around mommy, I feel happy, love and safe.” Melissa explains.

“Safe about what?”

“Well when two people are together, they have fights. It’s very common and can be healthy if dealt with properly and it’s not all the time. Me and mommy fight but we always resolve it and continue loving each other. I feel safe because I know it’ll always get resolved and we’ll continue loving each other.” Melissa explains to Amelia who’s looking a little confused.

“Do you think I’ll find someone who makes me feel that way?”

“I don’t know Tesoro, if you do then that’s great but people feel love differently. When it’s true then you feel it, you feel like you never want to leave this person and your heart misses them when apart.”

“I miss you when we’re apart.” Amelia says to her. “Does that mean we have a true love?”

“It’s a different kind of love than I have with mommy but yes. Now get some sleep, it’s the last day before mommy and I have to go back to work and you and the twins go back to daycare.” Melissa says and tucks Amelia in and gives her a kiss on the forehead. “Good night Tesoro.”

“Good night Mamma.”

“What took you so long? Did Amelia not want to go to bed again?” You ask Melissa when she enters the bedroom.

“She had a few questions about love after reading her Snow White.”

“Love? She turns 3 and all of a sudden she’s ready for love?” You say amused and go to brush your teeth.

“Well they do say they grow up fast.” Melissa says as she walks up behind you and puts her arms around your waist and gives you a kiss on the side of your head.

“She’s 3 now. I’ve been told they want to be independent at that age before they seek help.” You tell her and she hums.

“And it seems some of them never get out of that stage.” Melissa says.

“You know it’s really hard to brush my teeth when you’re giving me a hug and not wanting to let go.” You say with a smile.

“Can I not want to be close to my wife?”

“When we’re done getting ready for bed then we can snuggle.” You tell her and then give her a kiss on the cheek. “You got some toothpaste on your cheek.” You say with a smile and she looks in the mirror before wiping it off.

*The Twins birthday*

Everyone who was at Amelia’s birthday came back a month later to celebrate the twins first birthday.

“Has Amelia been liking her easel?” Barb asks you.

“She’s loving it. We had to get her an apron though as a quarter of the paint was ending up on her.” You tell her with a chuckle. “We set up a little spot in her room with some newspapers on the floor and a little hook on the wall where we put her apron. She learned how to put on the apron herself since it’s velcro and we usually find her painting when we go to get her in the morning.” You tell her to which you both laugh.

“By the way, not only is this the independent stage but they also explore a lot of different interests.” Barb explains to you. “Between the ages of 3 and 8, I think my daughter went through 100 different interests. So if Amelia strays away from painting then don’t be surprised.”

“Well thanks for the heads up about this expensive stage.” You tell her and you both laugh.

“Alright Amelia, why don’t you open the birthday gifts?” You hear Melissa say and then go over to where everyone is in a circle and you bring a garbage bag with you. You see Caty being held by Toni and Nico being held by Barb. You go over to where Melissa and Amelia are and give Melissa the garbage bag. Amelia starts ripping open the gifts and throwing the wrapping paper everywhere and you and Melissa keep cleaning it up.

After all the gifts were open, Melissa brought out the cake and you held Amelia up for her to blow out the candles on the cake. Melissa cut the cake while you passed out servings to everyone. You and Melissa got the twins to try the cake and half of it ended on their face.

“Alright we’ll see you at Easter!” You tell your mom, who’s the last one to leave the house. You go back into the living room where Melissa and Amelia are playing with the twins with some of the gifts.

“Ya, hit the button Caty.” Melissa tells Caty, who then gets the hint and pushes the button on the toy and a ‘moo’ is made. You watch the scene for a moment as well as take a picture before Melissa notices you. “Amore, come join us.” She says and you walk over with a smile. You all play and have fun together until it was time to put the kids to bed.

“I can do it myself!” Amelia argues as Melissa tries to help her get dressed in her pjs. Melissa then sits on Amelia’s bed as she watches Amelia struggle to put her pjs on. “Ah! I’m stuck! Mamma!” Amelia says when the shirt is stuck on her head.

“I thought you wanted to do it yourself Tesoro?” Melissa says while trying not to laugh.

“I need help.” Amelia says and Melissa goes to help her take her shirt off. Amelia then goes and puts her pjs on herself. “There.” Amelia says with a proud smile. Melissa looks at the time and saw it took 10 minutes for Amelia to get ready by herself.

“We may need to start getting up earlier.” Melissa says as she comes back in the bedroom where you’re in bed on your phone.

“Why’s that?” You ask her as you look up at her.

“Because she wants to do things herself and it takes her longer. She almost threw a fit when I tried to help her get ready for bed.” Melissa says as she gets changed in her own pjs and you giggle.

“Well Barb did warn us.” You tell her as she goes into the bathroom and closes the door. “So how much earlier?” You ask her as she comes back out and gets in the bed.

“Who took her 10 minutes to change into her pjs. So maybe 20 minutes or half an hour earlier.” She says and you set your alarm clock to half an hour earlier.

*Valentine’s Day*

“So Marie is taking all 3 kids for the whole day after school?” You ask and Melissa nods.

“Yep, just confirming with her now. Ok so she said to drop them off after getting them from daycare and then come and get them anytime before 10.”

“Well considering their bedtime is 8pm, we’ll get them at 7:30.” You tell her and she looks at you.

“Ya but it’s Friday and Valentine’s Day. I think if we take a bit longer and they fall asleep at her place then it’s ok.” Melissa tells you as you’re both in the break room before school starts. “Come and sit on my lap and you can eat the breakfast I brought that I couldn’t make in time because of ‘Ms I can do everything myself.’” Melissa says as you laugh. You sit on her lap and you both begin to eat the breakfast that she prepared last minute and everyone comes in.

“Oh, starting Valentine’s Day early?” Ava says amused to you and Melissa. You decide to indulge for a change and before Melissa speaks up, you cup her cheek and pull her in for a kiss. You stay kissing for quite a few seconds before you pull back from a reluctant Melissa. “Ooh you freaky girl!” Ava adds after the kiss and then she walks out.

“What was that for?” Melissa asks with a blush on her cheeks.

“I can’t just randomly kiss my wife?” You tell her with a smile. She then pulls you in for another kiss and Barb protests.

“As happy as I am that you’re both happy, can you keep the kissing down until you get home?” She says and you both pull back and see everyone looking at you.

After school ends, you both go to your car and pick up the kids from school and then driving them to Marie’s place with all their things. You drop them off and then go back home to where Melissa prepares a romantic meal for you two. After you both eat, you take your shirt and pants off to reveal some new pink lingerie as it’s your wife’s favourite colour.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” You tell her with a wink and she goes over to you and pulls you in for a passionate kiss.

“I can’t wait for us to reach the bedroom.” She says before immediately going on her knees, pushing your underwear to the side and attaches her mouth to your clit. You immediately gasp out and hold onto the table behind you so you don’t fall.

Even after being together for almost 10 years, you both still love each other so much that Melissa still can’t sometimes wait a minute longer to reach the bedroom. She sucks and licks your clit, knowing how to get you to come with just her tongue.

“Oh Mel.” You moan out and grab her hair as you feel your orgasm building. Your orgasm draws closer and closer and before you know it you come and Melissa licks it all up. She then pulls away and stands back up and kisses you as you calm down. “Couldn’t wait a minute to reach the bedroom?” You tease her playfully and she smirks and shakes your head.

“You get new lingerie in my favourite colour and don’t expect me to act right away?” She asks you and you smile. “By the way would you be willing to try something?” She asks you and you look at her.

“Depends what it is.”

“Well I got a blindfold.” Is all she says and you smile as you mentioned wanting to try with a blindfold about a month ago. You then grab her hand and drag her to the bedroom and she giggles at your eagerness.

She puts the blindfold on you after you lay down before she takes all her clothes off. She then goes and touches your stomach and you flinch at the unexpected contact. She then takes your bra off and goes and sucks one of the nipples. The heightened sensation makes it feel even better and you actually keep her where she is when she goes to pull away. She laughs at your actions before speaking.

“I was just going to switch to your other nipple Amore.” She tells you and you reluctantly let go of her head before moaning when she wraps her mouth around the other nipple.

While her mouth is on your nipple she sneaks her hand down, moves your underwear to the side and slips a finger in your entrance. You gasp out at the sensation and you automatically bring her head up to kiss her.

“Can’t stay away from my lips?” She teases you with and you smile.

“They’re too addictive.” You say and then she moves her thumb to circle your clit and you grab her hair to stabilise yourself. She slips a second finger in you and you wrap your legs around her waist to keep her in place.

“I’m not moving anywhere.” She says with a smile as she knows why you wrapped your legs around her. “I’m having too much fun exactly where I am.” She tells you and you pull her head back to kiss her again. You reach your high and moan into the kiss when you come and she pulls out but keeps kissing you as you calm down. You then move your leg in between hers and bring it up to her centre as you remove the blindfold. Melissa gasps as your leg hits her pussy and she starts grinding on your leg. You lay your leg down flat and she keeps grinding on it. She grabs a hold of your hands and reaches her high a minute later. She goes to lay beside you and you cuddle up and place your head on her chest. You grab a hold of her hand and kiss it before falling asleep. Melissa ends up letting you stay in bed and gets the kids around 9.

*Easter*

“Sorry we’re late.” You say to your mom as you all made it to her house. You all walk in and your mom sees that Amelia is less than impressed and has a pout on her face.

“I think I see the reason you’re late.” She says to you and you look at Amelia.

“Yep, she threw a tantrum and Melissa had to calm her down.” You tell her as you give her a hug before handing her Caty. Melissa was holding Amelia’s hand while carrying Nico.

“Want to take your shoes off Tesoro?” Melissa asks Amelia and Amelia just crosses her arms.

“No.” She says sternly.

“I see you’ve hit the no stage.” Your mom tells you and you groan.

“It’s annoying as she also wants to do everything herself.” You explain and your mom just laughs and pays attention to Caty.

You end up helping Amelia take her shoes off before she runs away into the house and you let her go. You grab Nico from Melissa so she can take her coat and shoes off after you do. Some of the kids pay attention to Caty and Nico and keep them busy as well as keep an eye on them as they walk around everywhere as you go say hi to everyone. When more food is brought out, you get a plate for yourself, Melissa and Amelia.

“Amelia, come and eat honey.” You tell her and she shakes her head.

“No.” She tells you sternly again and you sigh.

You were trying to get her ready all morning as Melissa was getting the twins ready and she was defiant the entire time. You then hand Amelia’s plate over to Melissa and tell her to try.

“Tesoro, come and eat some food.” She tries.

“I said no!” Amelia says and stomps her foot.

“Alright I’ll give it to the twins then.” Melissa says and that gets Amelia to start eating the food.

After eating, you lean into Melissa on the couch and take a deep breath.

“You ok?” Melissa asks you and you nod.

“Just tired from fighting with Amelia all morning.” You tell her and she rubs your arm to provide you comfort. “I miss when she was 2 and listened to us.” You add and she chuckles.

“Well at least she’s doing stuff for herself now.” Melissa says and you roll your eyes.

“It takes her forever but I guess so.” You say.

“Amelia, for the last time, come and put your shoes on.” Melissa tells her as you guys are getting ready to leave.

“I don’t want to go!” Amelia says and ignores you both.

“Amelia Schemmenti! Come here now!” Melissa says sternly and Amelia reluctantly comes over and then Melissa helps her put her shoes and jacket on.

You immediately fall asleep that night as soon as you get in bed and Melissa finds you asleep after putting Amelia to bed. She gets ready for bed and then joins you in bed and pulls you to her and falls asleep with you in her arms.

*Last Day Of School*

“Alright have a good summer!” You cheerfully tell your last student that gets picked up.

“Bye Mrs. Schemmenti!” They tell you and Melissa comes and puts an arm around you. “And you as well Mrs. Schemmenti!” Your student adds when they see Melissa.

“Bye.” Melissa tells them and waves as they walk away. “Ready to go get the terrors and go home?” She asks you.

“I really hope Amelia is not as defiant as she was this morning.” You say as Melissa rubs your back.

“She’s setting an excellent example for the twins.” Melissa jokes and you laugh as you both walk out.

“Any summer plans?” Janine asks you both as the Abbott crew is gathered in the parking lot, talking about their summer plans.

“Nothing specific, but we’re celebrating Melissa’s 60th birthday.” You say and Melissa hides her face in your neck and groans.

“Don’t remind me.” She says and you giggle.

“You’re all invited of course, just trying to figure out which weekend to do it on.” You tell them all.

“Why won’t you tell me anything that’s being planned?” Melissa asks you.

“I told you, that’s between me and your siblings.” You tell her and she scoffs.

“I don’t know if I’m excited or nervous that you and my siblings are the party planners.” She tells you and you lightly slap her head.

“Well have a good summer and see you on the Fourth of July which is being celebrated at my place this year.” Barb says and you nod your head before you and Melissa leave.

You and Melissa snuggle in bed at the end of the day. You’re in her arms and get comfortable before you both fall asleep, ready to start the summer vacation.

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[amarriageoftrueminds]

#mcu #bucky barnes #um . . . how is wanting buckys autonomy and disability to be respected babying him? #no matter what ayo was feeling it was still a really shitty thing to do (cool motive. still ableist) #and saying it's because he's violent - he really isn't? - the scene in cw was him using self defense against people trying to kill him #(should his arm have been removed then?) how does that equate to him being violent? #there's multiple examples of him choosing to run away instead of fighting - given the choice he doesn't choose violence #(and if he is so violent and brutal how come in that scene with ayo he tried to talk to her while she attacked him?) #even as the winter soldier he would sit there calmly waiting for orders #after zemo triggers him the avengers attacked him not the other way around #and how is not telling him being kind? #that's something that could put him in a life-threatening scenario - what if its triggered while fighting someone or while climbing #they tell him they trust him and then he finds out they were lying the whole time - that's not kindness thats cruel #they're saying 'we'll respect you as long as you do what we want' 'you're not free your body still isn't yours' #and the idea that the wakandans can take his arm because they made it is so so creepy #if i designed and created a wheelchair for someone do i have the right to take it away from them if they do something i don't agree with? #and it doesn't matter that he can live without it as some people claim #it's his - a part of his body the only one who should get to remove it is him #there's fics where hydra or other bad guys remove buckys arm against his will - why is this a bad thing but the wakandans doing it is not? #the guy lost his arm more than once - why was it necessary to do it again from people he thought were on his side #and i hate the argument of 'oh well bucky didn't have a negative reaction so it's fine' #the show blames him for everything that hydra made him do #they refuse to admit he was a victim - of course they're not going to let him have a negative reaction to this #because why explore the trauma that surrounds an action like this when you can make a gag about it #'my thought is that the failsafe in the arm was justified and people need to stop coming for Ayo based on this ridiculous narrative #that Bucky is too traumatized and sensitive and too much of a fave to ever be challenged or he’ll explode into dust' #no it was not justified - it was gross (god this whole thing is so disturbing - all thanks to this awful show) #and it's also gross to suggest a disabled character can't have negative feelings about someone being ableist to him or he's 'too sensitive' #you can't talk about nuance when you pin all the blame on one character and refuse to admit the other was wrong #anti tfatws

(tags via @wewringmagicfromtheordinary)

I hardly know where to start so just a bunch of random points as they come to me:

*banging head on desk* Bucky. Barnes. was. mind-controlled! Totally different thing from brainwashing (he might also have been brainwashed... but we didn't really see evidence enough to suggest that.)

Small note: we did not see Bucky being a brilliant sniper in WWII either (even if he did later become one as TWS; debatable.) We saw him take like two simple shots.

CATFA only allows one non-Steve person to be good at anything and it's not Bucky; that movie would slit its own throat before it let Bucky look good!

The explicit implication in that stairwell fight scene in CACW is that Bucky (emphasis Bucky: not TWS) hasn't killed anyone, and doesn't intend to.

So even though - yeah, of course - those breezeblocks would be lethal weapons if you swung them around like that, in real life, comic book movie logic and the suspension of disbelief in this universe is that Bucky is behaving non-lethally by using them -- has even set up his apartment with non-lethal defenses.

Shittily-written Steve shrieking 'you're going to kill someone!!' has got nothing to do with what Bucky is actually is like and everything to do with how other people stereotype him (including Steve), just because of TWS. Which wasn't 'him.'

(Steve has been chasing Bucky and researching TWS for two years by this point; he should really know all this already, especially given that Bucky has already told him he's innocent of the bombing. But hey. Shitty writers gunna write shit. 🤷‍♀️)

We can't selectively apply real-world logic and say that XYZ is evidence of Bucky being brutal, when Steve & Co. have been kicking the shit out of things in multiple movies just like that.

Why aren't they classed as brutal? Either they and Bucky are brutal -- meaning, relatively speaking, none of them are -- or they all aren't.

Notice how police break into Bucky's apartment with an explicit kill order -- but if Bucky hits them non-lethally in the process of defending himself while trying to escape... he's the brutal one?

(But if Steve does exactly the same things in the process of chasing after Bucky… it's never Steve who gets called brutal, is it? Or T'Challa? Steve is fighting his way through people, after Bucky in his wake.

If Bucky had actually been brutal, by definition, there would be nobody left behind him for Steve to fight! He'd just be daintily picking his way over a bunch of corpses!)

Bucky in WWII was likewise not a ruthless stalker of victims like TWS.

He was a drafted man, trying to talk his friend out of going to war, using absolute minimal violence to see off bullies (doesn't even deck the guy!), so terrified of violent situations that he had to pause and have mini freak-outs mid-fight where no one else could see (which we see echoes of in CACW).

Bucky was never canonically ruthless and highly-skilled before TWS; he has been no more skilled than any other Howling Commando, no more ruthless than Steve. He did not do well in the war (as you'd thtink a ruthless man would). He had to be rescued more than once, and was not happy to be there at any point. Guy didn't even enlist. Hardly ruthless behaviour!

(And yeah, Sebastian Stan having the same face with which to do a limited range of 'I am sneaking along with a gun about to fight someone' faces with, does not equal = Bucky and the WS having the same skillsets, pre-Hydra slavery. Of course he looks the same, it's the same face!)

SebStan didn't do all that good work showing Bucky shitting himself and miserable in CATFA and CACW, but then completely cold and calm as TWS, just for you to pretend there's no difference between the performances!

In CACW, instead of standing his ground and killing everyone as they come, Bucky chooses to defend himself non-lethally (even the one near-miss is an accident) and run away.

Ditto when it's Tony attacking him; he only stands his ground to fight when Tony literally traps him there (...and is attacking Steve).

Then he chose a non-violent solution by putting himself on ice, to keep everyone else safe, and chose a non-lethal post-WS career for himself. (Even though Steve and the other Avengers are still going around out in the world, presumably fighting people, and Bucky surely would've been welcome along.)

And about TWS...

Even in CATWS, Bucky-as-TWS can't outright win a fight against Steve -- is losing when they grapple and has to play possum to get an advantage (and it's not his arm that subsequently makes him dangerous... it was Hydra-imprinted ruthlessness / dirty fighting combined with basic gun skill).

Even though he's framed as this Unstoppable Killing Machine, he has failed to kill both Nick Fury and Natasha-- twice!

And he didn't win his earlier fight with Steve, either, he was definitely struggling! Ditto with T'Challa in CACW. Though in CATWS Natasha was running away from him in terror, by the time of CACW she's lasting a whole round with him one-on-one. As do an unarmed Tony Stark and Sharon (of all people?!). And that's against Beefy WS!

(And this is while TWS is... running away, again. Even though he'd just been triggered, TWS's first instinct always seems to be pulling a Batman and vanishing into the sky. Now that he is good at!)

Even within the crappy TFATWS show, which simultaneously flipflops between nering Bucky to try and make Sam look good, while simultaneously having everyone treat Bucky like a just-barely-non-rabid dog …Even in that show, Bucky is a man who has repeatedly chosen non-violence and 'peace.' For which he is shit on by his therapist, because the plot wants him punching things.

(Make up your damn minds! is Bucky so ineffectual it's funny to watch him lose, multiple times, or is he so dangerous he needs to be monitored constantly and go grovelling to all 'his' victims?? Can't be both!)

But the man who tortured Bucky the last time he was around also pickpockets a prized possession from him and mocks him for it, but if Bucky verbally tells him off for that (doesn't actually punch him or anything, mind you; like Arnie Roth got to in the comics! Just grabs him and takes his property back! Throws a glass and makes some noise!!) That's Bucky being 'violent.'

What a pussy cat!

And even those minor flashes of ineffectual temper from Bucky were, let's be honest, completely out of character.

Compare that to the movie-canon Bucky who has lived in quiet poverty for years rather than do any reprisals (violent or otherwise) against his torturers. (Even though there was a Hydra base like two countries away, as per AOU.) He has preferred to make journals, go to markets, and be a one-armed goat-herder who befriends local children, rather than be a fighter, and is seen as so harmless that the teenage princess can visit him alone. He is palpably miserable when asked to fight, and puts on a brave face to make Steve feel better.

Still has never so much as snapped at anybody, after everything he's had to put up with.

Compare him to every other 'currently ultra violent because of his Tragic Past' antihero, and so far from being innately violent, this man is practically Zen.

Yes Bucky can kill people, but so could any other person who's a threat to Wakanda, and canonically he's not more skilled at killing than, eg. Natasha or Clint, even including the serum and vibranium arm.

So this idea that he is some kind of already-violently inclined, gifted dispassionate killer outside of TWS is just… Fanon, tbh. Not canon.

And no you do not by any means 'got to hand it to' Zemo -- he is not right when he says “it didn’t take Bucky long to get back into form." He's wrong.

He's a creep, being a creep, with his creepy lies, pouring poison in Sam's ear (specifically to make him doubt Bucky.)

Bucky pretending to be like TWS is NOT proof that he really is; by definition. (🤦‍♀️) If he was really like that, this wouldn't be a 'sudden' change in behaviour in him, the way it is in the show -- like curtains up on a performance. If he was really like that, he wouldn't have to pretend at all.

Bucky is not and never has been a good man with a monster inside, the way Zemo treats him -- instead, the Winter Soldier was a zombie with a good man trapped inside.

People want Bucky to be a BAMF, because TWS is Badass, so being innately dangerous must be part of Bucky's traits, right?

And he can't be as soft and peaceful as he is in canon, cuz that's girly shit, right? Just us silly little women in fandom coddling fictional men, us liking their quiet decency just because they... uh... are quietly decent? Hallucinating peaceful cottagecore takes just because a man happens to be peaceful and live in a cottage. Delusions.

(Of course Bucky calls himself 'semi-stable!' A) he's joking and B) if he called himself 'stable' no doubt someone would scoff or patronisingly remind him, 'no, Bucky, you're a monster, remember? you need to voluntarily be put on ice for everyone else's safety because you're so evil and we're all fine with it.' 😔)

But BasicBro in TFATWS is... suddenly, out of nowhere... possessed of a temper he has quite-literally-literally never showed any evidence of before. (I'm assuming another Worf Effect gambit.)

Bucky's temper in FTATWS is not good, consistent, or even logical characterisation. Someone with a temper, a) wouldn't have chosen or wanted to do all the things Bucky has canonically chosen to do, sorry,

and b) physically couldn't have done all those things, either.

No way a man with a trigger temper could stay under the radar / out of trouble for years without being caught! Be trusted alone with a teenage princess! And children! Be given an arm in the first place!

Doesn't make any damn sense.

(Above poster is right, he can't be simultaneously safe enough to entrust an arm to, but too dangerous to have one without a switch / too untrustworthy to tell about the switch.)

But the shitty writing fairies struck again.

They only introduced a nonsensical temper in Bucky as an excuse to treat him like dirt / make whoever's standing next to him look like the 'calm' one.

Also... sorry to burst this bubble, but:

You can't use Bucky's interactions with Zemo in TFATWS as 'evidence' that he's dangerous and simultaneously claim that he isn't fragile. There is nothing more fragile than a man with a temper!

Just because the idiot writers think male anger = not fragile, doesn't make them right.

Ironically, in trying to de-yassify Bucky of his inconvenient canon characterisation -- that of a quiet, thoughtful, animal-loving, country-living hippie who does crafts in his spare time and would rather not fight -- they've actually just made him a different, more-annoying kind of fragile instead. More generic and toxic masc, and therefore 'relatable.' 🙄

He was always something of a snowflake (complimentary) but now he's a ...snowflake (derogatory).

Ergo, the idea that the Wakandans put this secret killswitch in Bucky's arm because... he's a threat?

Yeah, I know that was the script's intention, but in practise? Total bullshit.

A) as mentioned, Bucky just wasn't a threat the whole time Wakandans knew him (never left so much as a scratch on T'Challa. They have pet rhinos ffs, you think one sad hippie with a vibranium arm is a threat?! they have anti-vibranium mining tech!! the DM took down Killmonger in a full vibranium suit!!)

And B) Bucky was not being violent or dangerous when Ayo triggered the killswitch -- she was!

The Dora Milaje were the ones being a threat -- engaging in a fight -- and Bucky was trying to end the violence.

How dare he 'betray' them, says the people who were planning to betray him all along? Let us be violent or we'll cut off your arm? Like he's the danger in that scenario?! And if he non-violently tries to stop their violence, he's 'disrespecting' their country and its God-given right to be violent to people from other countries?

How American of them!

As soon as the DM are the violent ones, suddenly it's Bucky who's the brutal threat that has to be contained? Gimme a break!

(Never mind the ableism, it's the hypocrisy I can't stand!)

And Bucky didn't even want to intervene anyway -- he was fine letting the DM carry out their business and was even enjoying watching. It was Sam who nagged Bucky to jump in.

(Doesn't want to be Captain America, but still expects Bucky to follow his orders, and won't return the courtesy? Another one who needs to stop expecting to have their cake and eat it. Fantasising about the version of this scene where Bucky says 'sorry pal, I only take orders from Captain America.' C'mon guys, that could've been a turning point to make Sam pick up the shield! The Achilles reference was right there!)

Sam interfered and wanted to stop the DM being violent, and he used Bucky rather than do it himself. So where's the DM's reprisal for that? Their treatment of Sam as dangerous and untrustworthy, for ordering Bucky to interfere in their business -- 'disrespecting' their country, apparently?

Anybody could be mind-controlled; that which made Bucky kill could've made anyone kill, and still could. Sam is the Falcon! He flies! he has guns! he actually wants to fight people! So why is he less worthy of reprisal for interfering in Wakandan business, less dangerous (when he could be mind-controlled to turn his flying guns on anyone, just as easily as Bucky, now) than Bucky, who to this day has never harmed a Wakandan?

(Bucky and Ayo had already talked about Zemo and she was fine with him; it wasn't he who wanted to stop the DM taking Zemo, it was Walker, and by extension Sam. Bucky was just the poor shmuck who got caught in the crossfire, which no one will admit was there, and punished for facilitating other peoples' agendas.

So let's stop pretending this was all a 'safeguard' of 'dangerous' Bucky and a 'punishment' about Zemo… just to excuse 'Queen' Ayo's dick move.

Because even if it was (which it wasn't) that's still a dick move!

And the show treating that dismemberment as a gag was sick.)

Bucky has to make amends, for trying to enforce non-violence on others, by giving the DM Zemo back just like he promised he would (even though they've already dismembered Bucky and given away the fact that they were always planning to; their faith in him was a lie from the start. Ayo said 'you're free' but neglected to mention there was a caveat. Didn't know freedom came with a disclaimer. More American behaviour.)

...But Sam is the one who ordered that 'betrayal', and makes no apologies or amends, and still gets a new super-suit, no questions asked! Doesn't even have to show up in person to ask for it!

(Watch people claim this as a noble act from Sam but somehow simultaneously a 'betrayal' from Bucky.)

The double standard created by inconsistent writing is so annoying! Anyone else doing what Bucky is accused of is simply Too Special to be criticised!

Like: none of the countless other mind-controlled superheroes ever get treated as innately dangerous afterwards, such that treating them as an obviously untrustworthy potential-threat for the rest of their lives is acceptable behaviour, just a logical product of their inherent facility with violence... even if that alleged facility with violence wasn't actually there? Only Bucky.

(Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Clint Barton, Antonia Dreykov, Captain Marvel, Izaiah Bradley. Where's their state-mandated 'make sure you're not a monster' therapy for years? Why is no one booby-trapping their bodies for the greater good?)

Sharon turns into a crime kingpin and goes through her own minions like a chainsaw, but it's '#girlboss#badass' and 'poor Sharon' for what she's 'been through' ...after they just blithely threw in a reference to Bucky being raped!? 🤦‍♀️

But a thing can't be bad if it's happening to Bucky, right?

If a bad thing is happening to Bucky... well it must not be bad.

Ayo is doing it, Therefore it must be justified and understandable.

People can be more than one thing but She isn't; she is a Strong Female Character. So whatever she's doing, it's Good and Perfect. In fact, she's probably actually being even more Perfect by putting that booby trap on that disabled man and not telling him about it! It was for his own good, probably! Certainly her hurt feelings are more important than his silly bodily autonomy!

It's just a joke! A sign of Strong Female Character's perfect unimpeachable badassery!

Surely it's the guy being dismembered who is at fault? He must be dangerous! See how violently he stands there, looking sad about it and doing nothing! What a psycho!

Mustn't mention it at all. Mustn't say it's bad, or else I'm 'babying' that fictional creation. The creative choices surrounding him, which contradict one reading, can neither be referenced or criticised.

If Bucky is upset in the story... No he isn't. He is only allowed to be upset if it's in an acceptably Manly and more importantly Strong-Female-Character-Praising way.

He can't be a pathetic little bitch by acknowledging that something horrible is being doing to him by a woman, like some kind of disgusting "victim", because that would be unmanly and unfeminist of him (“oh no, my arm, how could you?? my TrAumA!") I mean... fragility? in a white man?! Wrong-doing? In a woman?!? Absurd!

And obviously his function in the story is to feminist-ly lose a fight against a woman, because how else will we know that Strong Female Character is perfect (ie. better than men) unless we measure her against a man?? Duh!

People are more than one thing - but these are characters, not people. They're not humans, they're fictional constructs, and what they are is what inept writers have made them.

Which is why Bucky can be a semi-pacifist who can kill people, but no more than most superpowered characters can, and would prefer not to (in fact just wants to be left alone to keep goats), and yet still be treated like a monster because of what anyone could be made to do if he was mind-controlled... even though he can't be mind-controlled any more... (.... but for some reason? he then?? releases his own torturer from prison? as if they know more about his torturers than he does?? And nobody seems aware of the contradiction in all this??) And Ayo can be both a competent warrior who acts all warm and supportive one minute and be an ableist turncoat who needs to cheat to humiliate and win a "fight" against someone who thought she was a friend the next.

In good writing, these things would be acknowledged as injustices and concerningly bizarre alterations in behaviour, to be overcome (in Bucky's case), or a sign of interesting two-facedness and depth in a female character (in Ayo's case), who doesn't have to be a perfect paragon because woman are people not statues.

Ayo who can seem nice but is actually kind of a bastard is so so so much more interesting than Saint Ayo Who Can Do No Wrong.

Likewise, 'Bucky who's having some kind of aberrant personality break, perhaps because of prolonged brain damage, releasing his own torturer from prison and thinking he's one of the bad guys.' Is so much more interesting than the moronic 'Bucky who was a wrong 'un all along, actually... we just decided... who knows why he killed all those people for his enemies huh...? search us... maybe that guy just tortured himself??' 🤦‍♀️)

But The MCU has this serial problem of accidentally introducing interesting flawed character traits and then wasting them because protagonist-centered-morality means the writers believe the characters haven't done anything wrong. These idiots would be like 'yeah Hannibal Lecter eats people, but he's the Good Guy!!'

Wasted.

(And no, in this case the actors were not playing realistic human complexity -- 1-800-Come-on-now -- because no MCU script will acknowledge that there is any. A human being might know the cruelty of taking a disabled person's prosthetic IRL, but MCU characters don't give a shit. (see: Rocket Raccoon).

You could tell they were just panting for a chance to knock that arm off and get a cheap laugh at nerfed-yt-boy's expense.)

The problem isn't what Ayo did, the problem is the narrative treating it as if that was a) consistent characterisation for her, and b) fine, and not ableist, and then dimwitted viewers actually swallow that in a fit of StrongFemaleCharacter=Good?? Brain Disease instead of employing critical thinking and being annoyed about it.

It's almost like there's a pack of bleedin' idiots pulling the puppet strings... 🤔

I think some people mad about the arm is not necessarily about the fact that Ayo disabling the arm itself, it's more of the fact that it was not necessary and the fact that Bucky had no idea they can do that. If I were to be honest, I think it was not that necessary because Ayo is well capable of taking him down without having to disarm him and she is definitely not threatened by him. I think what some people find upsetting about that scene is the fact that it kinda comes off as Ayo putting Bucky in a position where it would make him feel like he doesn't have full control of his own body after all. The Wakandans, especially Ayo, T'Challa and Shuri had every right to feel betrayed and upset but the point is they should have told Bucky about how the arm can easily be disabled like that, they didn't know Bucky was going to set Zemo free when they gave him the arm and regardless of the things they have done for him and if they were ones who gave him the arm, they should have at least told him about it, because it's connected to him, it's a part of HIS body. It doesn't matter if it was necessary to disarm him or not, the point is they should have told him about it because apart from the fact that it's his body and that it was a bit insensitive given his history, it's also a point of vulnerability, and the fact that she did it in front of Walker (and possibly Zemo) --- people who can easily turn on Bucky, could easily that to their advantage and attempt to disable it themselves. Just my thoughts on it.

Thank you for sharing your perspective, anon!

I’m going to use this long-ass reply to address this stuff with Ayo and also voice some thoughts I’ve had over the past few weeks seeing people paint Bucky into being this complete soft and harmless human that needs 25-7 protection which I don’t jive with — and this is me, a complete Bucky stan.

Many moons ago, I saw a post that compared 1940s Bucky moving with stealth and a loaded gun on the train to the Winter Soldier doing the same thing, essentially discussing the similarities and debating how much of non-brainwashed Bucky was in the Soldier. And I think the fandom forgets or chooses to neglect the following when painting him as this fragile, peace-loving guy:

Bucky was an incredibly skilled sniper in the United States Army. His job is to eliminate threats in the most efficient way possible, and he’s good at it. HYDRA gets their hands on him and + the serum, this gets magnified. It wasn’t like HYDRA turned him into someone with the ability and mental capacity to kill — that was already there. The brainwashing and torture just carved out the rest of him to leave those honed skills and an amplified ruthlessness with no moral issues, no sense of self to contend with. That ruthlessness is part of Bucky, whether people like it or not.

When Bucky is outside of HYDRA for the first time and hiding in Civil War and gets attacked, he’s so brutal in his actions that Steve Rogers, the man who literally was ready to die to save Bucky and free him when no one else believed in the good in him, intervenes because “Buck, you’re going to kill someone.” Bucky responds that he’s not going to kill anyone, but the fact remains: with or without HYDRA control, Bucky has a strong capacity for violence that hovers on brutality — again, what’s the most efficient way to eliminate or neutralize a threat? Like, I don’t want to kill you, but I’ll knock your ass out with cinder blocks to the chest.

Bucky has a good heart, he’s loyal, he’s smart, he’s caring, he’s the longest-standing POW in history and was turned into a slave for decades, put through unimaginable trauma and torture and horror with no escape. Bucky is also a strong and incredibly skilled super soldier who has a bionic arm, is a trained sniper, is unnervingly precise with knives, and self-describes himself as “semi-stable.” Zemo notes in the bar that “it didn’t take Bucky long to get back into form,” and he’s right because the ruthlessness and skill of the Winter Soldier is a part of him and always has been. We see it when he has his hand around Zemo’s neck and tells him he will kill him, when he rips the glass from his hand and throws it across the room.

And I’m sure the Wakandans know all this about Bucky, this light and his ability for hard-to-stop violence, whether from talking to Steve and Bucky or doing their own homework. And they still choose to help him out of the goodness of their hearts because he’s been put through hell and they believe they have the capacity to help him and it’s the right thing to do — they’re betting more on those positive attributes. And they put a failsafe on his arm, a literal weapon, and chose not to tell him. You know why I think that shows how much they did care about him? Because they could’ve blatantly come out and said “Hey, we don’t trust you,” and hurt him outright, but they didn’t because they’re betting on the light in Bucky to outweigh the dark or any future manipulation. That it’s a worst-case scenario function they hope to never have to use — so they’re prepared if shit hits the fan, and if it doesn’t, Bucky doesn’t have to be hurt feeling like he can’t be trusted. I see no issues here, they’re just being cautious.

Now coming to Ayo, my QUEEN Ayo. From that beautiful, beautiful opening scene, we get to see her support, her reassurance, her belief that Bucky will be able to work through this, even when he doesn’t believe it himself. She watches him fight and struggle and cry, and you can feel the hope in her and how moved she is when she gets to tell him it worked, he did it — he’s free. And she says it not once, but twice. And you can hear not just the comfort, but the PRIDE and warmth in her voice directed to him, who I’m sure she’s watched throughout the whole deprogramming process and gotten to know and is happy to see him work through the pain and come out on the other side.

And then she sees that same individual make a decision in freeing Zemo that she perceives as a “fuck you” not just to her country, but to her, someone who was charged with protecting her king. She could’ve just disarmed Bucky the second they met up, but she doesn’t. She takes the time to explain her side and her feelings, her guilt and her shame, and basically implies that she feels betrayed by Bucky because Wakanda helped him and now he’s doing something that’s hurting her country. And still, she doesn’t attack or just go get Zemo. She gives Bucky the benefit of the doubt and a whole 8-hour American workday to do what he has to do because again, she believes in the best of him. And then that time limit runs up, and he chooses to get in her way.

And that’s the final straw. She’s angry, she’s guilty, she’s frustrated, and she feels betrayed hurt by someone I think she did respect and care about, someone whom she worked with and helped and supported when he was his most vulnerable. Did she “need” to disarm the arm to fight Bucky? Probably not. But is she doing it in the heat of battle and adrenaline and a whole bucket ton of emotions, including what she sees as the White Wolf blatantly disrespecting her country and her as a person and even friend and she just says fuck it, I’m done? You hurt us and me, and I’m going to hurt you back? Oh yeah. And Bucky looks shocked, not because he’s a poor fragile baby and “oh no, my arm, how could you?? my TrAumA”, but in the dual realization of “oh shit, how’d you do that?!” and “oh shit, I think I crossed a line here.” And also, I don’t think a single person in that room would be able to recreate the disabling sequence other than Ayo — it’s way too targeted and specific for someone like Walker to pick it up in the whole three seconds it took.

People need to stop reducing characters to these black and white extremes of soft and hard, of good and bad. Doing so completely devalues and ignores the REALITY of the complexity of being human, and Bucky and Ayo are both great examples of that played by stellar actors who portray that range and depth extremely well. End of the day, my thought is that the failsafe in the arm was justified and people need to stop coming for Ayo based on this ridiculous narrative that Bucky is too traumatized and sensitive and too much of a fave to ever be challenged or he’ll explode into dust. Boy deserves a life of freedom and healing and mental health support, but he’s also still a formidable opponent with the capacity for violence and skillset to kill. People are more than one thing.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!!

[vodika-vibes]

I loved the fic you did with Kix and Keeli as twins! Could you do another one but this time with the focus on Keeli x reader? Maybe fake relationship or kissing to maintain the cover kind of thing? Thanksss❤️❤️

It's Kind Of Cliche

Summary: In an attempt to get your family to stop nagging you about having a boyfriend, you lied to your family about your relationship status. It would have been all well and good, only you’ve been invited to a Family reunion, and you need a boyfriend for a week. Desperate, you turn to Keeli for aid.

Pairing: Captain Keeli x F!Reader

Word Count: 1880

Warnings: Reader is described as having hair long enough to wear in twin buns, reader is described as wearing a dress, Keeli is too hot to handle.

A/N: I'm picturing Keeli in the civilian outfit I listed in the story and I think it's gonna kill me. Send help. Also, @the-bad-batch-baroness come and get your man, he's killing me.

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You stare at the message on your comm with a feeling of dread threatening to overwhelm you. You never expected your bald-faced lie about having a boyfriend to come back and bite you.

You had planned to lie to your family about having a boyfriend, and then in six or so months, tell your parents that he cheated on you and you don’t want to talk about him ever again.

And then no one would mention you and dating in the same sentence ever again, they would have just pitied you and been angry at the imaginary boyfriend.

You didn’t expect your grandparents to host a family reunion. And you definitely didn’t expect your invitation to come with a note that you must bring your boyfriend to meet the family.

And, while you know that an invitation isn’t a summons, but skipping the event would be much, much more annoying than just biting the bullet and going.

The best solution…well, the best solution would be an emergency deployment so you don’t have to deal with the situation, but that’s not gonna happen.

So the easy answer is to admit you lied and take the comments. 

Yeah. You’re not doing that. 

So the only other option, outside of just not going, is to get a fake boyfriend.

You slide your comm back into your pocket and glance around the room. The room is absolutely filled with single, and attractive, men who would agree to be your fake boyfriend for a free home-cooked meal.

Slowly your gaze slides from one side of the room to the other, trying to decide who you want to ask for this favor. Anyone from any other battalion is automatically out, you’re not that confident.

So you’re limited to the men of General Ima-Gun Di’s battalion.

You run down a list of the men in the battalion in your head, trying to decide who might agree to your request. Of course, now that you're limiting yourself to the battalion you’re attached to, there’s only one choice.

The ever-capable, and totally gorgeous, Keeli.

Plus, as a bonus, you consider him a friend.

The fact that you’ve been nursing a crush on him for ages now definitely  didn’t factor into your decision. Not at all.

So, you steel your nerves, and then you hop to your feet to go and find the man who, you hope, will save you from a week of merciless mockery. 

“Keeli!”

You find him outside the barracks, lounging under a tree in only the bottom parts of his armor. He sits up slightly as you approach and says something to the person on the other end of the comm, then he drops his comm to the ground beside him and motions for you to join him.

“Sorry,” You say as you sit on the ground next to him, “I didn’t know you were on a call.”

“You’re fine, it was just my twin. He wanted to tell me about the date he went on last night.” Keeli leans back against the tree, but keeps his gaze locked on your face, “Did you need me for something?”

“Uh…well…I need to ask a favor.”

His eyebrows creep up his forehead, “What kind of favor?”

“My family is hosting a reunion and I need you to come with me.” You pause, and grimace, “Well. Not you specifically, but also it needs to be you because I’m the most comfortable around you.”

He stares at you silently for a moment and then he speaks, “That’s not a hard ask, I’m sure the General will be fine with it. Is it normal for your family to ask people to bring friends to these things?”

“Ahhh…” You avert your gaze sheepishly, and you can feel your face burning, “They…may have the understanding that you’re my boyfriend. Possibly.”

Keeli is completely silent, and you take a chance to look at him. He looks surprised, and more than a little disbelieving. 

Before he can answer, you rush ahead, “It’s only for a week!” You shift so you’re sitting on your knees next to him, almost begging him to come with you, “And-and-and, after we can pretend to have a big nasty break up and you won’t have to do anything more than, like, hold my hand or something—” You’re babbling now, but you can’t seem to make yourself stop.

Keeli stops your babbling by pressing a single finger against your lips, “If I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend, I’m going to be the best fake boyfriend.” He counters, “So, what’s our story?”

“You’ll do it?” You ask.

The smile he shoots you is tiny, but it’s real. “Yeah, princess. I’ll do it.”

You lightly bat his hand away from your mouth and fling your arms around his neck, “Thank you! Thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me! I’ll find some way to repay you, I swear it!”

Keeli laughs quietly and hooks an arm around you, “Don’t worry about it, Princess. But we do need to have matching stories, don’t we?”

Three weeks later, you’re introducing Keeli to your parents and grandparents at a massive resort that you would have never been able to afford if your parents weren’t paying for the both of you.

Surprisingly, they look like they approve of Keeli. 

Of course, how could they not?

You steal another glance at Keeli, and a small smile lifts your lips. He looks amazing in the civilian clothes that you bought him. The reddish brown button-up shirt he’s wearing matches the dress that you’re wearing, and yet he looks so much better than you do.

With the top two buttons undone, and his sleeves rolled up around his elbows, you can’t look at Keeli without blushing like a lovesick schoolgirl. Curse him and his attractive features, and curse you and your humiliating crush on your Captain.

“Is everyone here family, Princess?” Keeli asks as he slides his arm around your waist to tug you against his side.

“Yeah, pretty much. Both mom and dad have over 7 siblings, and all of them have 4 or 5 kids, and all of those kids are married or engaged with kids of their own.”

“Ah,” You lean your head against Keeli’s shoulder, confident that he’ll support you, as he looks around the crowded garden, “So, are you the odd one out in that you’re not married?” He teases.

You huff and elbow his side, “I’m the baby of the cousins. It’s not my fault that all of my cousins are in the 40s.”

Keeli hums his understanding, “If you like, I can fake a proposal on the last day of the reunion.”

“Please don’t.” You reply immediately, already able to feel your face burning, “I don’t want you to have to feel like you need to keep doing stuff like this.”

He stares at you for a moment, his lips quirking up at one corner, as though he had just heard a hilarious joke and was just waiting to fill you in on the punchline.

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it.” He replies, there’s even amusement in his voice.

You shoot him an odd look, and his small smile blossoms into a wide grin. 

“What, Keeli?”

He lightly taps your nose, “One day, you’re going to look back at today and find it hilarious.”

“You can start making sense any second now.” You mutter as you scrunch up your nose.

“Could, but I’m not. Come on, let’s go meet some people.”

Fifteen minutes later, you’re talking to a pair of drunk uncles. How, exactly, they’re already drunk when the bar has only been open for half an hour is beyond you, but you’re slightly more concerned with how this conversation is going.

“You know,” One of the men says, or slurs, “I kinda thought she paid you to pretend to be her boyfriend.”

Keeli’s smile is very polite, “Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean…look at her.” He gestures to all of you, and you scowl, offended.

“I look fine, Uncle.”

“Nah, you don’t. That dress looks awful on you.” Your other uncle says, and you glance down at the dress.

“I…does it?” You ask, with a glance towards Keeli.

“I think you look great.”

“You don’t have to lie to her, boy. She’s hardly a supermodel—”

Keeli cuts them off before they can continue, but the damage has already been done. You can’t seem to stop brushing your hands down the material of your dress, or anxiously touching your hair. 

He ushers you away from the crowds of people, and catches your hands as you reach up to try and adjust your twin buns, “Hey, you look amazing.”

“They’re right though. I’m not—”

Keeli sighs heavily, and the next thing you know his lips are pressed against yours. The kiss starts chaste, but as you reach up to press your hand against his cheek and lean into the kiss, he wraps his arms around you and tugs you closer. 

He breaks the kiss before you want him to and presses his forehead against yours. His dark eyes scan your face and then he grins, “Princess,”

“Hm?”

“I’m going to kiss you again.”

“Yes, please.”

This time, when he kisses you there’s nothing chaste about it as he backs you up so you’re pressed against a tree. One of his hands settles low on your back, his warm fingers playing with the exposed skin of your back. His free hand slides up your side to press against the back of your neck, holding you to him.

This time when he breaks the kiss so the both of you can gasp for breath, he keeps his lips hovering just over yours. “So,” Keeli breathes out, “Princess, about this fake dating thing—” He trails off as he catches your lips with his one more time.

“Perhaps,” You murmur against his lips, “We can adjust?”

“You’re reading my mind, Princess.” Keeli murmurs, “You being my real girlfriend is going to make sleeping in bed next to you so much more enjoyable.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He kisses you again, and the only reason he stops is when someone clears a throat nearby.

“I’m sure the pair of you are having a good time,” Your mother says with a wide grin, “but the family would like to meet your young man, darling.”

Keeli’s forehead falls to your shoulder with an uttered oath in Mando’a and you have to muffle your giggles, “Um…yeah, Mom. We’ll be just a minute.”

“You have five. If you’re not out in five, I’m sending the little ones in with water guns.”

“Threat received,” Keeli replies, his voice muffled by your shoulder, “It won’t be necessary.”

“Good.” You watch your mother leave, and Keeli finally lifts his head from your shoulder, there’s something heated in his gaze and you lightly clutch at the front of his shirt.

“Later,” Keeli promises, “We’ll finish this later.”

“Promise?”

“God himself couldn’t stop me,” Keeli replies.

And you release a breathless giggle, “I’ll hold you to that, Captain.” You lightly brush your lips against his jaw, and then push him a step back. “You ready?”

“For today to be over, absolutely.” He replies, and then he takes your hand, “Come on, mesh’la. Let’s get today over with.”

@imabeautifulbutterfly

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[weirdsht]

Disillusioned Bonus 1 . Operation Reflection

a/n: my finger is still healing so have this in the meantime huhu

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

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"...100 ships on the west. One ship contains more powerful people than the rest, but I'm not sure who exactly it holds."

The nobles watch as the mysterious hooded healer casually points out every enemy ship and the power each boat holds. This was the same healer supporting the black swordsman and Commander Cale Henituse.

"Hmmm, some foot soldiers are jumping off the ship and into the water. There are currently more than a thousand living soldiers struggling in the water. Ah of course the number of dead people outweighs those numbers. Be careful Commander Cale, some of them are pretending to be dead."

_____ is currently using a voice changer to hide their identity and a mage to deliver their message through telepathy for those far away. 

"We'll have other ways to take care of them so don't bother, just focus on finding the man controlling the wyverns earlier."

When _____ first sat barefoot at the ship's edge, most nobles thought the healer came to play around. Some nobles even had the guts to yell at them when Cale left. Despite that, the mysterious person didn't give them an ounce of attention. They merely continued kicking their bare feet in the water as if they came to frolic in it.

This angered some of the nobles even more. Just who was this person that dared ignore high status people such as themselves? Moreover, they can't take a peek at their face because they also wear a mask underneath the hood.

However, their anger dissipated once the healer clad in the hooded robe started speaking. Whether it was a friend or a foe, they seemed to know where everyone in the ocean was. Meanwhile, their soft and calm voice made it seem as though they were discussing the weather, not exactly fitting for a person giving out the coordinates of places that need to be obliterated.

"Please connect me to the one in charge of the east side."

_____ who mostly kept their gaze in the water only looked up to address the mage aiding them and the ships attacking.

"Attack to the left. No, not there push it left a bit more. Yes, that's it. Don't attack the right side, the power on that ship increased I think some of our people are there."

Even the slowest of nobles could now understand the role of the hooded person. They were there to act in everyone's eyes. They can accurately feel everyone even through all the fog and the chaos. It was another measure to help everyone not get lost.

"To the mages in charge of airstrikes, do not touch northwest areas 2, 6, 7, and 9. Otherwise, feel free to attack the water."

Everything continued like that for the entirety of the battle. The mysterious person didn't move except for the few times they kicked their feet and stretched their hands. Of course, no one had a way of knowing that whenever _____ stretched out their hands they were stealthily trying to harm enemy soldiers as well.

Well, almost no one could.

"Human! We were so busy earlier that I didn't tell you but this great and mighty being could feel kind _____'s power a few times in the water but they didn't seem to be healing anyone."

Cale felt confused at Raon's report. He had specifically instructed _____ to focus on using their ancient power and not heal anyone. He knows that the healer isn’t the type to disobey their orders. Moreover, _____ didn't disobey anything because they didn't heal anyone. But what could they be doing with their powers if they aren't healing people?

"Oh also! Those useless noble bastards were also talking bad about our _____ when you left. Some of them even had the nerve to directly yell at them. I wanted to smack them, but you told me to not do anything to those people for now so I didn't." If Cale didn't feel irritated at the nobles who only knew how to attach themselves to someone with power before, he's definitely pissed now.

[anonymousewrites]

Lavender for Royalty; Sage for Wisdom (Book 1) Prologue

Kyoya Ootori x Reader

Prologue: White Rose for New Beginnings

Summary: (Y/N) joins the Host Club.

Mouse Note: Welcome to Lavender for Royalty; Sage for Wisdom! I'm so excited to share my Kyoya Ootori x Reader. I have loved OHSHC for so long, it's one of the first anime I watched, and I decided to finally write for it. I will be following more of the manga and picking and choosing chapters, so the anime stuff is mostly there, but there are some chapters towards the end of this book that aren't from the anime at all (same for the second book when it comes).  Please feel free to comment (please, writers love it <3)) since it motivates me! And please, please, please enjoy! Updates will be Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays

            “So the Hitachiin twins are in,” said Tamaki happily.

            “They didn’t say yes,” reminded Kyoya.

            “Yeah, but they can tell they’ll have fun, and that’s what they want,” said Tamaki, shrugging. “They’re joining the host club.”

            “With them, then, it makes six,” said Kyoya, checking his notes. “That seems to be enough.”

            “No, there’s still something missing,” said Tamaki, considering. “We’ve got the Prince Charming Type, the Cool Type, the Cute Type, the Strong and Silent Type, and the Little Devil Types, but we need something else to balance it all out…”

            Kyoya sighed. He knew Tamaki wouldn’t let up until he had what he wanted, and if he thought something was missing, something was. “Who are you considering?”

            “I’ve heard girls talking a lot of the scholarship student in our year,” said Tamaki.

            Kyoya flipped through his black notebook. “(Y/N) (L/N). Excellent grades, comes from a modest family, here on scholarship…Nothing special.”

            “But that’s just it!” said Tamaki excitedly. “They’re not out there, you know? I hear all the girls talking about them because they seem so down-to-earth. That and they can’t figure out (Y/N)’s gender, even though they wear the male uniform, so the mystery is exciting since they’re attractive, but the main reason is that people think they’re genuinely nice. They don’t put on airs. I think we need someone like that.”

            “Outreach for multiple genders?” said Kyoya.

            “Not that, though girls and boys seem to like them.” Tamaki paused before continuing. “But I think the girls like (Y/N) because they seem so normal, comfortable—” He snapped his fingers “—the Amiable Type! Everyone likes them naturally.”

            “You want someone down-to-earth? I hardly believe it,” said Kyoya.

            “Kyoya,” whined Tamaki.

            Kyoya smirked in amusement.

l

            “You’re (Y/N) (L/N), right?”

            (Y/N) looked up from their calculus book to find two boys standing over their table. They recognized the pair instantly—everyone at Ouran Academy knew them. The blonde with the giant grin was Tamaki Suoh, and the raven-haired boy with glasses was Kyoya Ootori.

            “I am,” they said, smiling. Were they confused about why they—the scholarship student—were being approach? Yes. But Tamaki had never been rude to anyone, that (Y/N) knew of, so they weren’t going to be rude.

            “Fantastic!” said Tamaki. “Kyoya and I had a question for you.”

            “What is it?” asked (Y/N).

            “We want you to join the club we’re making!” said Tamaki. “The Ouran High School Host Club.”

            “…A Host Club?” repeated (Y/N), tilting their head. They looked at Kyoya questioningly. In classes, he had always seemed rather serious, so hearing that he was involved with that was…unexpected.

            “Yes,” said Kyoya, pushing up his glasses. “Merely a place for pleasant entertainment that has potential.”

            “You just have to be a real prince to the lovely ladies who come and join us,” said Tamaki.

            “And you want me?” said (Y/N).

            “Yes! People naturally like you, so you’d be perfect!” said Tamaki. “You just have to be yourself.”

            (Y/N) paused and considered. As strange as the idea was, Tamaki seemed to have good intentions. And (Y/N) did need to get involved with extracurriculars at Ouran.

            “Alright,” said (Y/N), smiling. “When are we starting?”

            Tamaki lit up. “You’re saying yes?”

            “At best, I am involved in a club and meet more people. At worst, your club fails, and I go back to how my life was,” said (Y/N), shrugging. “It seems fair to try.”

            Tamaki deflated. “So practical…”

            “You said you wanted someone down-to-earth,” remarked Kyoya. “You’re getting it.”

            (Y/N) chuckled, and Tamaki pouted.

            And that’s how (Y/N) joined the Host Club.

Taglist:

@roo024

@jmclouds

@yappydoo

@ramblingsoftheill

@girgal73

@rockerica

@nosoyyo1213

@ritzes28

@grippledee-galaxy

@rory-cakes

[ssentimentals]

hi queen👑, I'm back to request another drabble to fill the loneliness in my heart LOL and still ready to be a lil suga momma if you ever decide to take commissions or just gifts 🎁 💗 one day I'll be brave enough to request without being anonymous, maybe then we can be friends 🥹👉👈

can I pleaseee request suggestive #39 with my ult dino?

have a great day 🥰

ahhh hi my angel! this is so cute and tbh the best proposal anyone has ever done to me (sugar momma wise) lol. and oh!! pls i would love for us to be friends!!! 💜 no pressure though, feel free to come off anon whenever you want. and of course you can request, hopefully you will like it!

suggestive prompt: 'you think you can run that pretty little mouth of yours whenever you want?'

being a brat is a full time job and dino is extremely thankful that you don't really take it seriously. you can act bratty occassionally, but most of the time he is not dealing with any kind of tantrums from your side. which is why he's a bit surprised and caught off guard with what's happening right now.

'throw that attitude out the window.' dino keeps his voice at level, even when his left eye is twitching from what he just heard. he watches as your eyes widen at his words and before you can go off, he adds: 'talk like a normal person, please.'

'what did you just say to me?' you ask, baffled. 'do you even hear yourself?'

'do you?' dino counters. with the corner of his eyes he can see that small crowd from a shop nearby is watching you two closely, very invested in the scene you are creating. 'just- let's finish this at home. let's just go home, get in the car.'

'like hell i will.'

dino can physically feel how his patience is wearing thin. your defiant pose with arms crossed over your chest and one hip cocked to the side is killing him and he wish it was in an angry way. you have no business in looking this hot, when you are being this annoying. god, some things are just really not fair. dino steps closer to you and pulls you into a crashing hug despite your protests: 'you think you can run that pretty little mouth of yours whenever you want? on the street? making a scene?' he whispers, smirking at the way you freeze and shiver in his arms. 'get in the car, honey.'

'i will not-'

'i will have my way with you in front of those stupid women, who are eyeing us since the moment you decided to go crazy.' he interrupts and loosens his hold just enough for you to turn your head and see who he's talking about. 'i swear i will.'

'you are crazy.' you whisper in disbelief, not fighting him anymore.

'yeah,' dino readily agrees, barely holding himself from kissing you senseless. 'totally insane about you.'

it's cheesy and doesn't fit at all in this conversation, but he's glad he said it because he can tell you're smiling in the crook of his neck now. good, he loves making you smile. he loves making you all breathy and moaning underneath him more though, so you two really need to get back home.

'get in the car,' dino says and thank god you listen.

a/n: request your own here! <3 - nini

[3amfanfiction]

Let's talk about Gaz.

A 1k character study of our favorite sergeant. Based off of this paragraph from this post:

At this handsome sergeant, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, trying to follow in his captain's footsteps, but the steps are so large he scrambles behind, always feeling like he’s never going to catch up.

~~~~

Kyle knew who he wanted to be from an early age. He was smart—always able to see where the chips would fall in any situation. That combined with his looks meant he was able to control most situations with ease. If something was going to go tits up he could either mitigate it before hand or minimize the repercussions afterwards.

So when you met him, he very much seemed to have it all together.

He was all charming smiles and endless competence. At ease in any social setting—even a military award dinner.

You weren't sure how you ended up here—the military being dreadfully low on the list of things you had respect for—but it was an open bar and free dinner so you would try and hold back your complaining and critique.

You'd just settled into your seat when the one next to you was taken, a handsome man introducing himself as Kyle turned to you as soon as he sat down and the rest was history.

It was a matter of days before your first date and weeks before you decided you would be in a relationship, your dragging feet endlessly frustrating to him. He knew what he wanted (you) and he knew when (already) but he was understanding about your reservations.

Military men didn't have a good track record with their partners between abuse, cheating, and not being present. So as much as you wanted to fall headfirst into his everything you took your time.

It made it sweeter when you eventually moved in together.

The first time he broke down you didn't see it happen, only the aftermath. His eyes were red as if he had pressed his palms firmly against the sockets and twisted and his lip was swollen like he had been chewing on it, trying to keep quiet.

He didn't want to share when you asked—pried even but nobody said you were perfect—so you eventually left it alone, doing your best to show support however you could. If his favorite dinner made it's way to the table that night no one commented on it.

The next day was worse though.

Your partner was always level headed, not taking things to heart and keeping an affable disposition even when things got rough. So to have him snap at you, even if he immediately apologized sent up a warning flare in your mind.

It took time but you were able to wear him down and pulled him in for a conversation. Something was clearly going on if the look on his face was any indication.

Shuffling him onto the couch, you crawled over him and laid on top to pin him down, keeping him in place but also providing a comforting pressure for him to relax into. His arms wrapped around you to squeeze you tightly, almost like a life-sized stuffie.

What followed was a confession about an incident during his last op. Choices were made which ended up being the wrong ones and it was because of him.

"Luckily the captain was there, so no one died, but they would've, dove. If they had listened to me they would be dead and it would be all my fault."

Listening to the abbreviated version of the dressing down he received from Price made your own toes curl, secondhand shame flooding your veins. It made so much sense why he had been feeling the way he was.

Kyle looked up to Price more than anyone realized. Yes, he was his captain but he was also a father figure and a friend in several ways. To hear of him being stripped up one side and down the other made your heart hurt for him.

You didn't call attention to the fact that his voice broke or that the top of your head felt suspiciously damp where he had pressed his face to you. You were there to listen and provide any comfort you could.

You knew how he tried. You'd watched him stay up late prepping for missions before. Watched him go over paperwork he probably shouldn't have had deep into the evening hours, reading and memorizing and making plans. He would always follow Price but some day his captain wasn't going to be there anymore and it would all fall on him. He had to be prepared.

So why do I always seem to mess it up?

You didn't have an answer for that. You could try the platitudes—you're only human, everyone makes mistakes, everything turned out okay in the end—but they wouldn't do him much good and you knew that. All you could do was be there for him as he cried into your hair, holding him as tightly as you could while you reassured him everything was going to be okay, that you were there.

That night you made a call to a number that had been in your phone since nearly the beginning. Another number to call if something happened and you weren't able to reach him. It wasn't one you had had to call before.

The next evening you were putting the finishing touches on dinner when there was a knock at the front door.

Captain? You heard him question in surprise but were too far away to hear the response, just a low rumble echoing back. Moving the food to the table you called out that dinner was ready and to come sit down.

You got a heavyhearted smile from John and a questioning frown from Kyle as they both took their seats, digging into the meal with gusto regardless of any underlying emotions. They could be handled later, when there wasn't a hot meal sitting before them. Priorities after all.

The conversations over dinner were light, inconsequential things that didn't have any emotional depth to them. You were all too pleased to excuse yourself to the bedroom once dinner was done, leaving the two men to clean up the kitchen.

You knew from experience that having something to do with your hands when having emotional conversations made things significantly easier so you left them to it.

It was some time later that John came and said goodbye before he headed out, laying a heavy hand on your shoulder in thanks before stepping away. The flat was quiet after he left, as if he had taken a weight with him and now it was time to breathe.

Kyle turned off the lights and shuffled you into bed, curling around you and holding you to his chest. He was quiet for a long time before he finally whispered.

Thank you, love.

Read Simon's drabble here

Enjoy

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Hey cal! 💕💕💕

Maximum emojis for 🧜‍♂️ please!

I am in LOVE with this fic!!!

-❤️🪐

Hi Saturn!!!

Hell yeah! Sooooo happy you love it! 1k for 🧜‍♂️:

---

There’s something really sad about the way Eddie says that. Like he would want for his son to know this part of himself, but he’s been stifled. Buck has never met Eddie’s parents, but he finds he resents them already. 

“So, then, who knows?” Buck asks.

“Just the family who was around when I started transitioning,” Eddie says. “And… Well, a few guys back in El Paso. Station 25. But… I mean, that wasn’t my choice.”

Buck feels a little cold. “Not your choice?”

“Uh… I got hurt. Saving my captain. They found out in the hospital,” Eddie explains. 

“Is that why you left?” Buck asks.

“A good chunk of why,” Eddie admits. “They didn’t treat me the same after.”

“Despite saving your captain and getting a medal of valor?” Buck says. 

“Not enough, apparently,” Eddie mumbles. 

Buck makes a frustrated noise. That’s such bullshit. Eddie is an amazing firefighter. An amazing medic. Hell, an amazing person. Who the fuck cares what else he is? 

“You know we’d never do that to you, right?” Buck asks. “No one at the 118 would ever-”

“I’m not telling anyone else,” Eddie interrupts him. “And you can’t either, okay? Tell them about me. I’m serious.”

“I wouldn’t,” Buck promises. “I wouldn’t want you saying anything about me. I won’t say anything about you. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Eddie says. 

“Just… All I mean is, if you ever did want to tell them, you’d be safe,” Buck adds. 

Eddie sighs. “Alright, I’ll do it when you do it.”

Buck frowns. “Touche.”

🌊

If Eddie and Buck’s friendship had been fast-building before their misunderstanding at the beach, it grows at practically lightning speed afterwards. There is something different about having one person in the world you can talk to, after months, in Buck’s case, of not being able to talk to anyone at all. Much longer than that, in Eddie’s case. 

They just sort of all into more. Buck spends most of his free time with Eddie and Chris. He speaks freely around Eddie, and he thinks Eddie speaks freely around him, too. They get comfortable with each other. They might not be the same, but they both know what it is to hide. And they both seem to take solace in having someone they don’t have to hide from. 

Of course, their newly strengthened friendship is not without its moments. From both of them. Neither of them is fully educated on the other’s stuff and doing their best - not that Eddie could be, when Buck doesn’t even know what’s going on half the time. 

For example, they have a call helping a man bit by a shark in transit to return that shark to the ocean. Then, they return the shark to the ocean. But the closer they get, the more Eddie watches Buck. He looks nervous. A little pale. As if the slightest splash will turn him, in front of everyone. And, to be fair, a handful of months ago? It might have. But Buck is cool now. Or, cooler. 

“I’ve got it under control,” he whispers to Eddie. He dips his hand down in the water before they leave, just to prove a point. 

Eddie takes a deep breath and nods. 

“Just don’t want anyone finding out about you if it’s not your choice,” he whispers back. “Is it hard to resist?”

“Getting easier,” Buck says. “Would be harder if I was exhausted.”

“Okay,” Eddie says, relieved. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Because they’re looking out for each other now. In more ways they were when they were just friendly coworkers. 

A week or so later, they take a call in the rain. It’s late at night and they’re all tired after a never ending string of calls. Eddie watches the water come down and shoot Buck that same nervous look. 

“Does rain…” Eddie asks, trailing off in case they’re overheard.

“No,” Buck says. “Just ocean.”

“Just ocean, what?” Chim asks, appearing behind them.

“Uh… Dries out my skin,” Buck fumbles.

“Oh, yeah. That makes sense,” Chim says, before he keeps on walking towards Hen.

“Fuck, sorry,” Eddie whispers. 

Buck shrugs. “He bought it.”

That’s not to say it’s just Eddie. Just that, given the unknown nature of Buck’s being, Eddie has more to worry about, Buck thinks. Buck has his moments, too, though. 

They’re in West Hollywood one night, putting out a small fire in a gay club. Eddie looks sort of badass, rescuing a bartender who was trapped behind the bar. 

“Get it, girl, damn!” A patron onlooker calls when Eddie helps the man out of the club. His friend gives a little whistle. 

Buck feels like a rabid dog, ready to bite. Sure, yes. Eddie looks pretty good doing the job. But to call out to him? To use girl? What the fuck?

“It’s fine,” Eddie says after. “That's not what they meant and you know it.”

“No, but they shouldn’t be-”

“Buck, come on. If you make a big deal about it, around here, people will figure out why. Just… Drop it, okay?”

So he does. Because obviously he’s always going to take Eddie’s lead here. The same way he can see Eddie trying to follow his. And as time keeps moving forward, and Buck becomes more and more entwined in Eddie and Christopher’s lives, it becomes more and more natural. 

🌊

It’s May when Eddie helps Buck find a new apartment. He’s been living in Abby’s for over a year and it’s sort of getting embarrassing. 

“I still can’t believe you never dated this woman, but lived in her home for this long,” Eddie says as they look at listings in the living room. 

Buck chuckles. “Um, can’t exactly date anyone right now. Dating, historically, leads to sex.”

“Ah, but gills,” Eddie says.

“Gills, exactly. And sometimes scales.”

“But you wanted to date her?” Eddie asks.

“I did,” Buck admits. “I wonder if she’d have stayed if we did.”

Probably not, he thinks. No one really ever lasts that long.

[luins]

wip wednesday

a little break from all the spotify wrapped posting to share some of my writing. i've been working a lot on this for past week.

Something is up with Eddie. It’s driving Buck up the wall because he cannot figure out why Eddie is acting like this. He has been gathering evidence all morning to solve this mystery. 

1. Eddie was almost late today. 

Not actually late, because he did make it to the station well before the start of their shift. He was already there and changing into his uniform, in fact, when Buck stumbled into the locker room while simultaneously pulling his shirt over his head. (He had overslept because he went down a Wikipedia rabbit hole on orcas and their fashion trends last night after reading about salmon hats being back). 

By the time Buck had managed to wrangle out of his shirt, Eddie had stuck his head in his (their) locker like he was searching for something. Very intently. He stayed like that for so long that Buck finished changing and made it out of the locker room before him. 

2. Eddie kept spacing out during the morning briefing. 

This basically never happens unless he’s truly preoccupied with something. Usually, Eddie is extremely attentive, quite literally standing at attention with rigid military posture, probably still ingrained in him from his army days. But today, Buck had to nudge his boot against Eddie’s to startle him out of whatever thought he was caught up in when Bobby said his name and read out the chores he assigned to him. 

But the most incriminating piece of evidence was gathered before Buck even arrived at the firehouse, actually. 

3. Eddie used an emoji. 

And not just any emoji, no. It was a heart. This morning, Buck texted Eddie that he was running a little behind (in case Bobby asked) to which Eddie replied with, and Buck is not kidding: 

Okay. Will have a cup of coffee waiting for you. ❤️

Buck had stared at the heart for a good five minutes, probably, which had made him even more late. 

(In the end, Eddie did not have coffee waiting for him on account of taking forever in the locker room. The liar.) 

“Eddie is acting weird, right?” he asks Hen. He’s helping her restock the ambulance and she is holding very tightly onto the clipboard. Buck is not even allowed to look at it, all she’s letting him do is hand her the supplies she is asking for. 

Hen raises an eyebrow. “Weird how?” 

“I don’t know,” Buck whines and throws his hands up in frustration. The gauze in his hand flies halfway across the ambulance bay. He scrambles up to retrieve it before Hen has the chance to turn the full power of her glare onto him. 

“He’s just… being weird.” He drops the gauze in Hen’s outstretched hand. “Like, okay, he’s being quiet but he also isn’t. Not in the way he usually is when he just doesn’t want to talk about something. It’s more like– like he actually wants to say something but just doesn’t know how.” 

Hen considers this for a moment. 

“Why don’t you just ask him about it? If it’s bothering you that much.” 

If only it were that easy.

i'm just going to tag a couple of mutuals for them to see this - and of course also to share something if you guys have anything to share!! <3

@livingincolorsagain @queerprincesseddiediaz @eddiesbian @moonyslesbian @girldadbuckley @cafecitoeddie @4thbrighteststar @housewifebuck & if anyone else wants to share their wip please feel free to also tag me in it!!

[jupii-478]

Hey, I have some questions regarding deific relationships. I really do love the idea of having a relationship with a god but I’m also terrified? Like, the idea of being watched by a deity kind of horrifies me. Do you not feel like your thoughts are unsafe? Like you never have privacy? What happens if you aren’t a good worshipper? Do you worry about upsetting them at all? Or fear their retribution?

Sorry if any of this is insensitive. I just wanted to understand your perspective.

-☂️

no, it’s completely alright!! :) (i have a tl;dr at the bottom in italics and bold in case this is too much to read, lol)

usually i try not to overthink it, but that’s easier said than done. i believe the gods are watching us, of course, but only in situations where they should be watching. like… no, Lord Apollo isn’t going to be watching me while i’m in the shower (that would be weird), but maybe if im talking about him with friends, he’ll be watching!! or if your deity is trying to see if you make the right choice (ex. if you see someone drop their money, do you try and quickly grab it and steal it before they notice [even if you don’t need the money] or do you return it?)

i also think the gods understand privacy just as much as we want them to. i’m sure they don’t want to watch us every second of our lives. they’ll respect your privacy, dw <33

as for being a good worshipper and worrying about messing up, don’t worry, you’re probably doing just fine. treat your deities well and they will treat you well. they understand that we’re only human, we’re bound to mess up. maybe if you stole something from someone, you’ll lose something (or something like that), but i believe that’s just karma. as long as you aren’t some psychotic killer, they aren’t gonna punish you. i swear.

and i don’t think there’s any specific way to be a “bad worshipper”. i mean, if you’re talking poorly about the gods, ruining their alters, being disrespectful towards them, or anything like that, then i would say you just have room to grow and learn. if you’re doing that all on purpose though… maybe you’re a bad worshipper. but i believe that anyone can learn and grow past their mistakes.

if you want to be better at worshipping the gods or your deity, you can always pray to them, research them, do devotional acts towards them, or even just think about them throughout the day. they only expect you to do your best.

if your best is getting all your missing school assignments done, that’s enough. if you’re best is taking a day off to take care of yourself, that’s enough. even if your best is just waking up, even if you can’t get out of bed, that’s enough. if it’s you’re best, it’s enough. that’s all they want from you. for you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

(TL;DR: dw, you’ve got privacy. they want you to have privacy just as much as you want to have privacy. and i promise you’re doing great. if you’re even having thoughts about doubting whether you’re a good worshipper or not, you’re a good worshipper, because that means you care. and they won’t punish you. you’re human, they get that. do your best, be your best, and your deities will love you for it <33)

if you want more info from people who know more and are more experienced, i recommend checking these blogs out:

@atheneum-of-you has just recently made their helpol discord server public and they have a huge library of free online books related to hellenic polytheism and the gods. they also make tons of informative posts and updates!!

@hyakinthou-naos is a super cool temple and they just recently have launched their website!! i can’t recommend checking it out enough. it’s so helpful and so beautifully designed

@khaire-traveler has amazing posts about worshipping the gods and a super cool guide to worshipping so many deities discreetly. (i’m pretty sure they’re on hiatus currently)

@screeching-0wl is my favorite resource for info on the gods. their cheat sheets are amazing!! (they’re on hiatus)

these are just my personal recommendations!! (i hope this isn’t too much info and i’m not stressing you out!!) just remember, you don’t have to be perfect. and please, for the love of all things good, do not overwork yourself. i did that and then i had to take a break for most of the year. be better than me please lol

good luck !! <33

[emshiftss]

Dreaming + Shifting

Shifting diary entry #8 !!! (and asking for help again…)

I’ve made posts before about what it means to dream and how that relates to your shifting journey, and here I am doing it again… (also I wish I’ve made more diary entries on here it’s kinda been a while, but I’ve doing A LOT of reflection in my personal shifting journal, maybe I’ll make some of them posts…?)

My whole life I’ve been a dreamer, before I even learned of shifting I lucid dreamt quite often. I would use dreaming as an escape from my life here. My dreams are often intense and vivid.

And they definitely were last night, I had so many dreams it was crazy. But to parts in particular stood out to me that made me want to make this post.

It was later in the night, I originally thought to lucid dream and shift that way instead of doing an awake method (because of something that happened earlier in the night that I’ll get to later)

I think I just forgot that I wanted to that and I didn’t end up saying affirmations as I went to sleep to help guide me into a lucid dream, instead I thought of my DR. And … I ended up having VERY vivid dream of my DR s/o. Like I don’t think I’ve had a more vivid dream related to my current DR.

(I don’t remember what was going on before this) I opened the door in the room I was in and there leaning on the wall was my s/o. Again so vivid so much more detail in this dream. I remember thinking that I felt my stomach drop when I saw him there 😭 I also thought “omg he’s so tall I need to script he’s not this tall” ??? Anyways I think we talked but I can’t remember, I just remember kissing him and us cuddling. I remember sitting in front of him with his arms around me. I think someone else from my DR interrupted us bc we had some place to go, and my sister from this reality did the same?

I remember feeling really sad when I woke up, but I just tried to feel better by reminding myself I can just be there for real 😭

Now for the part I REALLY wanted to talk about. The part that, if anyone reading can help me analyze, I would much appreciate it.

I was gonna do an awake method last night but decide I should sleep for a couple hours then do it. So I set the intention to wake up at like 4, I woke up at like 4 30 but I was waking up before this but just kept going back to sleep and anxiously waking up lol. Anyways I woke up and put on a guided meditation and went for it, but then a couple minutes in I just randomly remember this part of my dream that made me stop my meditation.

I can’t fully remember what was going on before this, but I was in some sort of library/book store and this lady asks me to tell her a cool fact. (?)I panicked and couldn’t think of anything. I can’t remember what happened between this moment and the next but it eventually led to us talking about shifting. She told me she’s an avid shifter, she’s been shifting since 2020. And she told me she’s 24 years old? I don’t know who this woman was, she’s certainly not anyone in my life and not like some shifting “influencer” I like or something? I remember her giving me shifting advice but I just can’t seem to remember what it was!?!? 😭 I remember her comforting me, and telling me stuff along the lines of “don’t worry it is inevitable that you will shift” though. Ugh, I wish I could remember. But this is why I decided to try and lucid dream instead.

But if anyone reading this wants to feel free to analyze this for me, idk what this means for me or my journey. If my subconscious mind keeps saying and doing stuff like this, why haven’t I shifted? What does this even mean for me?

I’ve had similar experiences in dreams, like this one time a couple weeks ago I was dreaming of Star Wars (odd bc I’ve never seen the movies) and I met two guys and I explained shifting to them and they were very curious about it. And I even remember thinking in that dream “should I tell them I shifted here?” (???)

Anyways I feel (slightly) sick to my stomach about the vivid dream I had of my s/o and idk what my other part means…

[sabspoetic]

How to be CONFIDENT

To anyone who’s been struggling with their insecurities, I need you to read this post!

Okay, so, I’ve been insecure about myself my whole life. I would constantly focus on the negative sides of my body, of my mind, and so on. What made me even more insecure was the amount of “friends” I lost. I started thinking even more badly of myself; I thought I was too annoying, too obnoxious, too loud, too nosy and too cringe. Because of that, I became quiet, I started distancing myself from them and genuinely lost hope of ever having real friends.

Then something happened, and I had to sit home for a week. Just a week. And that week literally changed my life. I realized that I felt better without them, I felt free. I sat down and started thinking. What did I not like about myself? What was that upset me? Why didn’t those girls like me? I found myself writing answers that suited them more than me, so I removed them from my life and guess what? I feel better now! Even though I’m alone for now.

But even if you don’t have this kind of situation, if nobody has left you and you’re just insecure, listen up! You’ll only need four things to know: basic review, main five tips, IDGAF mindset & body language.

BASIC REVIEW

Style 👗👒👜

Wear clothes you feel most confident in, not comfortable.

Buy clothes that match your skin tone. Look at the color wheel!

Know Yourself 👁️👄👁️

If you know who you are, no one can tell you who you are.

Write down your strengths and your weaknesses.
Work on your weaknesses.

Your Highest Self 💫🌼🪴

Write down how your highest self would act like. (detailed!!!) Then: Start showing up as her.

Before you make a decision always think about what your highest version would do.

Your Insecurities are only in your head 🪐🌞🍃

No one cares about what others are doing, or do you? No. Because everyone is dealing with their own stuff.

Take advantage of that fact and be more courageous.

Get out of your comfort zone 🦋🎨🩰

If you want your life to be different, you have to try new things. Otherwise don't expect a different outcome.

Try new things that you never dared to do before but always wanted to.

MAIN FIVE TIPS

Pay attention to your posture. You may think it’s dumb, but no! It’s very important. Stand straight, shoulders back, head high, put on a small, elegant smile or keep a stoic face and walk like a queen. Remember this quote: “Either walk like you own the place or walk like you don’t care who does”.

Try to avoid filler words while talking (ex. um, uhh..). Pause for a bit and think before you say. Speak with confidence and good voice.

Master the body language. For example, what should you do/don’t while entering the room: don’t look down, especially not at your phone; don’t turn your back to the room while closing the door. Instead: when you open the door and enter, take your time to scan the room, chin up, shoulders back and open posture; close the door with your back facing it; hold eye contact with the destination or person you are approaching and greet/smile.

Think before you do/say something. Question yourself “If I do this or that, will it lead to a bad expression? Will this have a good effect on me?”

Have an IDGAF mindset! Honey, you are the main character of your story. Now show them that you don’t care about all the negativity.

IDGAF MINDSET

Gossiping about you? No worries, they’re just jealous of you! They know that once you speak up for yourself, they’ll realize that they shouldn’t have messed with you.

Mean/harsh comments? Reasons why people are mean to you: one, they are jealous; two, they care more about your life; and three, they want to copy you. See how obsessed they are?! What a shame…

Body shaming you? Treat them like they don’t exist. Keep focusing on your goals and your dream body. Rest and work. Then watch them feel insecure next. Slap them with a smile while you walk like a model with your hot, gorgeous body.

Turning you down? Bullying you? Hurting you? Find who you are first and show them the power you hold! Do not hurt them back, but make them regret ever trying to hurt you. How? By making your life better and keeping distance from all of them. You don’t need anyone but yourself. Turn the pain into power!

BODY LANGUAGE

Good Posture 🎀

Stand tall, shoulders back, keep your back straight.

Avoid leaning too much on one side, or nervouse moving around with your legs/arms.

Head held high.

Make eye contact 👀

If you keep eye contact with someone you're talking to, you make them feel like you're interested in the conversation.

Focus on keeping it natural and avoid staring too much.

Hands 🙌🏽

The position of your hands says a lot about whether you feel comfortable in a conversation or if you are disinterested in the discussion. Try to use your hands while speaking to express yourself: soft movements!

Offer a firm handshake to show confidence. You can practice it by yourself! Make eye contact during the handshake.

Pay attention🌷

How do successful people move?

Mirror their movements.

You can watch shows / yt videos to find people who inspire you and teach you how they are so strong and powerful while walking, talking, etc.

Follow all these tips and you’ll become unrecognizable, because I did so in just a week! And if they don’t like you? Screw them all. You don’t need toxic people in your life. Trust me, it’s better being alone than hanging around people who will never appreciate your time, presence, personality and achievements. You’ll find someone eventually, but when the right time comes.

[too-many-rooks]

So uhm... Talking about your werewolf River, it's living in my head rent free...

And i was thinking what if during one of his first non-full moon transformations, our dear River gets caught by the Dogs and all dat... The Park seeing this very untrained, very unsocialized, possibly dangerous puppy deciding to lock him up in one of those park's cell and putting a muzzle on him...

Then human River waking up a few dozens of hours later, exhausted, sweaty, (probably soaked in blood because 😊) with the muzzle still on him.

The humiliation he would feel to be nakey, vulnerable, and everything... The humiliation of having to ask(beg) for someone to come in and remove the muzzle..

Or whatever,,, sorry, this AU just makes me go crazy

Anon!!!! I’m screaming this is fantastic.

Paw Patrol out roaming the streets of London, picking up a scent that’s not from one in their pack, and that being an issue,

River in a situation where he has had to turn, has been unable to resist it, maybe having busted out of any locks/handcuffs he tried to restrain himself with. Being dangerous, bc he’s out of control and can’t turn back, and might not have much rational thought. Genuinely posing a risk to people - wanting to hunt, wanting to kill, being dazzled by all the lights and noises and sounds and smells and getting overwhelmed and running for the nearest green space. (Causing a bit of a scene about a ‘lost dog’ on social media, or speculating about a wolf escaping from a zoo.)

Being able to calm down some, but still pretty feral, once he’s got grass under his feet, maybe picking up a scent, and selecting a hapless jogger as his evenings prey. The dog catchers having tracked him across the city, way outnumbering him and having training/resources- getting talked and having the wire loop of an animal handling pole tightened around his neck before he can pounce and kill someone, perhaps tranquillising him to get him in the back of a like… emergency animal control response unit van, collaring him, muzzling him, and taking him back to the Park to ride it out.

Waking up hours later in a cell, sweaty and exhausted (and yes, probably covered in blood, bc why neglect the opportunity,) muzzled and locked up - not knowing where he is, not seeing daylight, nor smelling anything natural. Being frightened and alone and not sure if he should call for help, bc whoever comes might be worse that being alone. Eventually breaking, calling for anyone, but not particularly happy to see Hobbs, or Duffy, or whoever it is - though they seem pretty happy to see him, at least - seeing him like this, trapped and captive and muzzled, where he belongs. Being marched down a hallway, naked, in sight of the others and enduring the (literal) wolf whistles and the weird sexualised bullying and harassment only kicking up a notch now. Maybe leading him to whoever it was whose blood he got covered in, holding his arms back and letting them take a claws-out swipe across his chest in retaliation.

Them not being able to keep him this time, bc Lamb’s there to collect his wayward stray (and, in a supernatural AU, Lamb being very clued in to it all, but no one having *any* idea about what he actually is, he’s evidently thoroughly mortal, but everyone thinks he knows too much to just be human, very fun to me,) gets someone to bring him some clothes, because this is meant to be a work place, for Christ’s sake.

But the dogs threatening that this won’t be River’s last time in their kennel - that he’ll be bought to heel soon enough, once old Cartwright’s out of the way, and daddy Lamb can’t always protect him.

(And then, how much more compelling the option of joining Frank’s pack is compared to being muzzled and broken by the Dogs.)